Darkness
by SilverwingedSeraphim
Summary: "The boy could see everything. The broken glass, the blood, the car that somehow resembled a warped piece of metal. He saw paramedics rush to his side first, then Gamzee's, and finally Terezi's. He could see each of them carried into the ambulances as the crew carried out their lifesaving procedures. It was all his fault" GamxKar Human stuck Eventual JohnxKar
1. Before

_**Authors**__**Note: **__Hi guys! Seraph here, and I'm up for posting my first Homestuck fanfiction! Well this is probably one of the first fanfictions I've ever posted. So yay for getting over that fear! Please excuse me for any out of characterness, I'm trying really hard to keep them close since they're all human. Any review is welcome! _

_This story is dedicated to my awesome friend Mileena! _

_As usual I don't own anything. 3_

The sound of glass shattering filled the air; screams echoing as the sound of metal colliding into metal reverberated. A boy groped for the handle of the car, half blind from the blood streaming out of a cut above his eye. "T-ter? G-gam?" He slid from the driver's seat, collapsing against the door. His fingers wrapped around the handle and forced the door open. "G-g-gam?"

The boy's body fell from the seat onto the glass covered asphalt. He tried to stand, but found that he couldn't get up. He couldn't understand why his legs failed to work. He didn't understand what had happened. He didn't even remember the impact.

The disoriented teen shook in the frigid night air. Dark clouds painted the night sky dark as pitch. His hands trembled as he continued to grow colder and colder. He was unaware of the growing blood pool around him as the precious fluid slipped out from the multiple cuts and abrasions along his torso. He found it hard to breathe. Everything seemed so terribly far away. Even the sirens sounded much further than they should be.

"Are you okay?" A strange voice asked as the boy looked up at an approaching figure. "Sir? Are you alright?"

"G-gam?" Karkat looked up; hopeful that the shadowy man was his friend. If it was Gamzee he was the wrong proportions, but it was so hard to see. Everything was growing blurry, as if looking through a piece of warped and fogged plastic. "Gam...d-did Terezi...d-did Terezi" He wheezed; choking on his words and coughing up red tinted spittle.

"Don't worry kid, we'll get you some help. It'll be alright. Help's on the way." The man tried to calm the disoriented boy. "I need you to lie back, that way you don't hurt yourself."

The teen looked dazed. "N-n-no, Gam...Gam and Terezi...they...they were ."

The man gently patted his arm. "Shhhh. It's going to be okay." He removed his jacket and wrapped it around Karkat's shoulders. "It will be okay." Karkat nodded softly as he pulled the jacket tighter around his shoulders. God he was so cold; he just wanted to curl up. Everything was going dark. Karkat's eyes began to droop. His shoulders began to sag.

"Come on kid, stay with me." The man had moved when Karkat opened his eyes again. There was something tied around his leg now, acting as a tourniquet. It was disturbing that he couldn't feel the limb.

Sirens grew louder, but the scene continued to grow dark, until Karkat was dropped into the abyss of sleep.


	2. After

_**Authors Note: **__Alright everyone, here is the much anticipated (or at least I hope it was anticipated) first chapter! I am sorry it took so long to get the first chapter up after the prologue, but I wanted to finish the second chapter. Sorry for any spelling/grammar mistakes; we all have an inner Roxie who loves to confuse our fingers with her drunken antics. Any reviews/critiques are welcome!_

_Once again this is dedicated to Mileena and also dedicated to Morgan, cause your reactions are what keep me going! :D_

_In no way do I own Homestuck! This belongs to Andrew Hussie, the bloody genius. _

_Without further ado, I present Chapter 1._

Everyone has a fear. Whether it be of spiders, of clowns, of the things under the bed. Karkat Vantas had a different fear however. Vantas feared the dark. Every fiber of his being hated the trapped feeling; hated the oppressive darkness that always seemed to seep in from every corner.

Karkat used to not be like this. He used to be able to smile, to laugh, to play, but after the accident he had lost his taste for such joys. Some thought it was because of the permanent brace attached to his left leg, a constant reminder of what he had done, that kept him from enjoying life. Others thought it was his guilt slowly consuming him from the inside out.

"Hey Mr. Mopey pants, what's wrong?" Terezi nudged him softly as she slipped out from behind her gloomy friend. Red glasses covered her eyes, and her usual cane was held between slender fingers.

"Nothing Ter...just...just thinking." Karkat reached for her arm; gently taking the limb. To be perfectly honest, he preferred having her close. She was the only one who could calm him down after the accident. No one could do it better, except maybe Gamzee.

Gamzee kept to himself though, often forgetting the others were around. The doctors said something about PTSD, that he wasn't injured in the accident, but he kept reliving it. Karkat and Terezi were always careful to allow him to maintain his space. Upsetting him would lead to screaming fits.

Karkat continued to cling to Terezi's arm as they made their way down the street. "How...how are you doing in class?" Terezi had been forced to take extra classes since the accident.

"I'm doing...okay. It's weird reading books with my hands. " She bit her lip, resting her head gently on his shoulder. The accident had taken her sight from her. She didn't blame Karkat though. After all, it wasn't his fault.

Karkat nodded softly as he guided his friend down the street. "Where's Gam?" It seemed that once again he was avoiding them. It was frustrating. Gamzee used to be so friendly. He used to love being around them. Now he had taken to brooding; focusing on the accident instead of trying to move on. He kept speaking of "Miracles" and how they were the cause of their survival.

Gamzee was right though. None of them should have survived. Terezi was suffering from pressure on her brain, Karkat was bleeding internally, and Gamzee.. Gamzee was the worst. They had pulled him from the wreckage, bloody and unresponsive. The paramedics had to perform CPR. It was surprising that he made it out from the hospital without even a brace. They were all bandaged up, but Gamzee didn't even suffer a break.

"Kar?" Terezi frowned. "Are you even paying attention?"

"Sorry Ter...I'm just..distracted I guess."

"Worrying about Gamzee?" Terezi flicked out her cane, knowing Karkat was too distracted to give her warnings about the random changes in the path to her house. The path was made of dirt, from being walked day after day for years. It was their daily habit. School would let out, and all three of them would walk to Terezi's house for whatever dessert her mother had cooked up. They would then hang out until one of the trio had to go, whether because it got late, or someone had some lesson that they had to take somewhere. One year Karkat kept having to leave due to dance lessons for his sister's wedding.

"Yeah, I'm wondering if that clown will remember he's supposed to be at my house tonight." Karkat sighed softly. Gamzee was forgetful. He had done so much to get ready for his visit tonight. He'd even gone shopping for his favorite soda, no matter how awful it is. "If I get stuck with seven bottles of Faygo I'm going to get sick."

At this Terezi had to laugh. "Gosh Karkat, I didn't realize just how scarlet this relationship was." Karkat blushed faintly. "Shut up Ter. I-I don't-"He was interupted by a snort.

"Kar, it's okay, I think it's cute. He likes you too for what its worth." She smiled softly at him; taking his hand.

"He does?" Karkat sounded hopeful for once. Maybe he just needed to move on. Maybe he just needed someone to love.

"Yeah. He only talks about you."

"But that does mean he likes me Ter..." Karkat bit his lip. They were almost to Terezi's house by now. When Karkat looked up from the path he frowned. "Your house lights... They're off." The lights had never been off. There was always some sign that Terezi's parents were home.

"What?" Terezi frowned. "I guess..I guess they aren't home?" She pulled out her phone and out of habit looked down. Karkat noticed and took the phone from her. He quickly scrolled through the phone to get to her messages.

"They're at a funeral..."

"Oh, yeah. I forgot that was today. My great-aunt wanted some ceremony in one of the countries she visited." She sounded vaguely sad. "Mom and Dad thought it would be a bit much for me to visit a foreign country now."

"So they left you alone?"

"They've arranged for a caretaker." Terazi avoided the word babysitter. It wasn't like she was going to fall down the steps of her own house. " Sorry, guess cookies and milk at your house?" The blind girl gripped Karkat's arm. It was obvious she was uncomfortable. Her hands shook, her face was worried.

"Ter? Is there something wrong?" Karkat hadn't ever seen her act like this. Terezi was fearless. She was never scared. Not even when she was in the hospital. "You're shaking."

"Y-yeah. Lets just go to your house...I'll get my parents to pick me up when they're home." It was Terezi's turn to chew on her bottom lip. It was a terrible habit that they had adopted from one another.

Vantas nodded and began taking her back up the forest path. Clouds had begun to gather, making the woods eerily dark. The sky was almost purple as the sun began to set in the fall afternoon. Crimson and gold leaves floated to the ground at the slightest breath of wind. Dead leaves crunched underfoot, and nearby twigs snapped. Terezi stopped suddenly. "Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

There was a rustling in the nearby brush. "That."

"Ter, it's probably a squirrel."

"Too big." Terezi moved towards the bush, and screamed as she heard someone jump out and tackle her. She began smacking the figure with a thwack of her cane.

"Chill sis! Chill! It's just me!" Gamzee laughed as Terezi continued to thwack him on his head. "Stop hitting me on the think pan! I gotta use that!"

"GAMZEE MAKARA YOU ASS!" Terezi finally stopped beating him, after adding one more thwack for good measure. Karkat stood nearby laughing at the pair. "Do you realize how much that scared me?" She shouted. Her hands flailed as she spoke; waving in the air at a frantic pace. Gamzee continued to dodge the cane that was held in her hand.

"Sis! Sis! Chill! It's okay." Gamzee helped the small girl up. He hugged her gently. "See, it's okay, now hoosh?" Terazi nodded and laughed softly. Karkat just shook his head.

"So, food at my house?" It was continuing to grow dark, and Karkat felt safer inside when night rolled around.

The rest of the group nodded. "Awesome bro! Am I still crashing at your place for the night?" Gamze looked up at Karkat, causing the younger boy to blush slightly. "Y-yeah Gam you're still coming over. Just remember, clown makeup has to go before dinner." Karkat mentally groaned. He sounded like a schoolgirl. Of course this didn't mean as much to Gamzee as it did to him. To Gamzee, he was just spending a night at his friend's house. It was obvious he liked Terezi.

"Gotcha bro, no showing off the Juggalo at dinner." Gamzee gave a smirk. His makeup was already smudged from tackling Terezi. The clown looked up at Karkat and frowned at the sight of Karkat. "Where are your crutches bro?"

Karkat sighed. "I'm not wearing it."

"You're not wearing the brace either."

Vantas shook his head a bit sheepishly. "No...I don't like it."

"Dude, your leg won't heal right without it."

Karkat frowned. "They hurt." He sounded like a petulant child. He wanted to keep his

"Doctor said." Gamzee was stubborn. He couldn't let Karkat end up permanently disabled all because he was self conscious about a brace. "Kay-Kay," he used a nickname he hadn't used in ages. Karkat hadn't heard it since they were back in elementary school. "You gotta wear it. If it hurts you need to go talk to the Doctor." Karkat was horrible about taking care of himself. After the accident he refused to take any pain medication, any of the antibiotics. He was a wreck. Gamzee assumed he was blaming himself for Terezi's blindness and his own flashbacks, but they weren't Karkat's fault.

Karkat's heart lurched. "O-okay...I'll...I'll put it back on when we get to the house." Gamzee smiled and gave him a thumbs up. Terezi laughed and reached up for Karkat's help. The moody teen helped her up and then picked Gamzee up as well.

Gamzee's stomach grumbled and Terazi laughed. "Come on Vantas, let's go get food."

Karkat nodded and the trio made their way up the forest path, back to the road, and to Karkat's house.

The walk wasn't a long one, but Karkat's leg throbbed by the end of it. He really should have worn his brace. The pain wasn't excruciating, but it was enough to make the boy wince with his steps. While he fumbled with his keys the others noticed his discomfort.

"Leg bothering you?" Gamzee looked worried. Karkat always tried to hide the pain. "Do you still have the pain killers?"

"Yeah, and no. I got rid of them. I didn't even fill the prescription."

Terazi gave a heavy sigh. "Karkat, you can't do that to yourself. You can't live in pain. "

Karkat finally managed to open the door; pushing it open and stepping into his domain. "I'm fine guys, it just hurts a bit. I'll just take some ibuprophin or something." He stuck his hands into the pocket of his grey hoodie and sighed. They worried too much about him. It wasn't like he was going to die from some simple leg injury.

"Alright bro, but you gotta stay off it for a bit." Gamzee said as he stepped into the house. At this Karkat had to nod; he didn't know if he could walk on it much longer.

"I'm going to go put my brace on, you guys know where everything is." He slunk back to his room and grabbed the infernal contraption and his crutches. The things were cumbersome and he hated using them.

When he arrived back in the kitchen he noticed the others were gathered around the island. He chuckled and hobbled his way over to the whitewashed cabinets. Many things in the kitchen matched the impractical colour. The tile, the appliances, the walls, they were all white. It was a terrible colour for a kitchen. Karkat couldn't guess how many hours he had spent scrubbing the walls just to make sure they stayed the pristine colour.

He opened a cabinet and pulled out a stack of cups and hobbled back to the island. After setting those down he hobbled over to the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of Faygo and passed it to Gamzee, who promptly dropped the orange soda. "Sorry man!" Gamzee scrabbled to pick up the bottle of soda, but continued to fumble for it. He had gotten grease paint on his hands from his makeup, which smeared against the neck of the bottle.

Karkat let out a small chuckle. "It's okay Gam, I've got it." He slipped his crutches into one hand, grabbing the soda bottle with the other. He slid his braced leg out ahead of him to bend down without putting too much weight on it. He then stood and set it on the island.

"Sorry man. I've been super clumsy lately."

"It's no big deal Gam. You've got paint all over your hands. No wonder you've been dropping stuff." He couldn't be mad at Gamzee. Karkat grabbed a nearby dish towel and handed it to Gamzee, who proceeded to wipe off his hands.

"Thanks bro!" He gave a smile and neatly folded up the dish towel. Karkat finished passing out drinks and food and the group fell into an animated conversation as they ate.

_**AN: **__So, how is it going? Hope everyone enjoyed it! Chapter two will be posted as soon as I finish chapter 3. :) _

_Once again, I live for reviews and things so please make my day! _


	3. Light

_**Author's Note:**__ Sorry this takes me so long to write. For everyone who has my account followed, they can see that I've started up a new fanfic at the request of my friend. I've tried to get that story up and out as quickly as possible, so I'm sorry if I've spammed your mailbox. In other news, Chapter 3 is finished and will hopefully be posted later on this week once I'm done with Chapter 4! Thank you so much to everyone who reads and review, you guys make it worth my while! _

_Disclaimer: I don't own Homestuck. I just play with the characters._

Later that night, after Terazi had gone home, Gamzee and Karkat laid in Karkat's bedroom. It was a smaller room, with off white walls. There was enough room for a twin bed, a small desk, and a book shelf to fit on the different walls. Karkat had slid a spare mattress out from under his bed and was laying on it. He had covered it in his bedspread, which was a bright red. Gamzee's blankets, which always were at his house now, were a dark purple.

"I didn't get to ask, how was your session with Dr. Rose?" The boys shared a therapist, and could agree that she was quite odd. Her office had gigantic tomes on her chosen field, plus a few extra of the 'paranormal' sort.

Gamzee let out a sigh. "Just as bad as the last. I dunno man, I just...I just don't trust the funny things the medication does to my head."

"Did you tell her that?" Karkat sat up on his elbows to get a better look at his friend.

"No, you know how she is. She talks a lot for someone who is supposed to listen to ya Karbro." Gamzee laughed and stretched out. "Kar, I've been thinking." Gamzee suddenly sounded serious. He was quiet as he gathered his thoughts to continue. "Why did we live? I mean...it was a fucking miracle man...fucking miracle."

Karkat tensed. This was always a precourser to one of Gamzee's fits. "Gam, we lived because we lived. "

"But what if we weren't supposed to, like those doctors screwed us up or somethin'."

Karkat sat up; taking Gamzee's hand. "Gam, it's okay. It's okay." The juggalo was shaking. His breathing was a short shaky gasp as the panic continued to eat at him. "G-gamzee, it's...it's okay. Shhh" Karkat gently patted his cheek as he tried to soothe his friend. He continued to shush him until the episode was over.

"T-t-thanks Karbro. I..I just..get so tense...like a fuckin' bowstring."

"Gamzee, it's going to be okay. " Karkat gently stroked his hair. He could still feel his friend shake. The attack wasn't as bad as some of the others, but they were still frightening. A few of the attacks had landed Gamzee in a psych ward for observation. His dad constantly worried for him, but he tried not to hover too much.

Gamzee continued to shake and pulled Karkat up onto the bed; hugging him tightly. Gamzee was always affectionate, even more so after his episodes. This was the reason Karkat had fallen for him. He was one of the few people that Karkat could be affectionate with. Karkat continued to stroke Gamzee's hair and nuzzled him. "Shhh, it's okay Gamzee. I'm right here. It'll be okay. I'm not going anywhere."

Gamzee nodded and continued to hold Karkat close. "Karbro...what were you thinking when we crashed?"

"That I was sorry."

"You're always sorry."

"I-I know, but I just..It was my fault."

"Karkat, it's not your fault we got hurt. It isn't your fault that Terezi lost her sight. It's not your fault I'm so fucked up in the head."

"G-Gamzee it is. The accident was my fault. The documents say it. The court says it. Everyone says it but you guys...why?" Tears were gathering in Karkat's eyes. The guilt was unbearable. He had almost killed his friends. They were screwed up because of him. It was all his fault.

Gamzee gently stroked his hair; repeating the gesture that Karkat gave him. If only the distressed boy knew just how much he cared. "Karkat."

"Y-y-yeah?" The teen's voice was shaking. He couldn't hold himself together much longer.

"You know we don't blame you...so why?"

"Because," he took a deep breath. "Everyone else does."

Gamzee frowned and shook his head. "Not a good reason bro. You know that. We were saved by fuckin' miracles, and you're so caught up on the damn fact that we're a bit screwed up. I've been celebrating the miracle. I've seen them..."

Karkat was confused. "Seen them?"

"The angels." Gamzee seemed far away as he spoke. "I saw them Karbro...I saw them."

Karkat shuddered. "They...They had to perform CPR." He instinctively pulled closer to Gamzee, as if he were about to float off into oblivion.

"Yeah...They pulled me from the gates bro. I was there. I could see them. Mother fuckin' miracles." The clown smiled softly. "But see, because of you I got to see them. I got to see my mom again. I'm not mad bro. I'm fuckin' ecstatic. Don't you see?" Gamzee was grinning widely. "You solved my crisis." He laughed and kissed the top of Karkat's head; unaware of what it did to the teen, or perhaps he was aware and just didn't care. Gamzee was like that sometimes.

Karkat blushed and ducked his head. It was almost painful how Gamzee could torment him without even realizing it. The teen snuggled closer, finding comfort in the warmth. "You saw your mom?"

"Yeah man, she looked so much better. She wasn't sick...not like she was there at the end." Gamzee looked down at the boy in his arms. If he had seen heaven it meant that he wasn't going to hell for loving someone like Karkat. "It was nice seeing her. It was like seeing that everything was going to be okay. No matter what I did."

Karkat nodded; it must have been some kind of relief. Karkat didn't remember what exactly had happened in the dark void. He wasn't even sure if he was supposed to see it. He only remembered the terrible darkness that threatened to consume him.

"Karbro?" Gamzee voice snapped him out of his revelry.

"Yeah?"

"You know," He took a breath to steady himself. "You know we love you right?"

Karkat nodded. "Yeah, I know. You and Ter are the best friends I could ever have."

Gamzee shook his head. "Not...Not what I meant..." Karkat was confused. What else could he mean? Unless Terezi had some secret red pining for him, which wasn't possible considering she was currently pining after some other person. "Well...I mean..Ter loves you as a friend...but." God why was it so hard to say? Three simple words that held so much. Dr. Rose had told him to finally tell him, but the words kept drying out in his mouth.

"But?" Karkat couldn't believe his ears. Was this actually happening?

"I love you...like love ya bro.." Gamzee was blushing. There was no makeup to hide the pink tint to his face.

Karkat could have died then and there. "W-what?"

"You heard me bro..." Gamzee slowly removed his hands, suddenly aware at how close they were. If Karkat was going to take it badly, then hugging him wouldn't be the best thing to do.

"Iloveyoutoo." Karkat's words were rushed together. He had loved Gamzee for such a long time. Even before the accident. Perhaps that was why he took it so hard. The fact that he had almost lost everything he cared about in a split second was daunting enough.

Gamzee hugged Karkat closer; suddenly relieved. Dr. Rose was right, he would feel better. "Good bro, cause I thought you were gonna flip out on me" Gamzee laughed and hugged Karkat like a child would a teddybear.

"Gamzee, what's on your neck?" There was a small scar on the edge of his collarbone that Karkat had never seen. Of course it wasn't often that Karkat was this close to his friend.

"Just a scar bro. Piece of glass, nothin' serious." Gamzee nuzzled him gently. Gamzee would take a thousand scars if it meant that he could experience the miracle that brought him to the gates of eternity and subsequently into Karkat's arms.

Karkat nodded and gently planted a kiss on the scar; blushing a crimson red. "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry bro. Just another battle wound." He laughed and continued to hold Karkat. The pair fell into a comfortable silence. They were happy in the closeness and relished the time together. Eventually Gamzee drew his purple blanket around them when Karkat had fallen asleep on his chest. It was terribly adorable, but Gamzee wouldn't let him know that.

Karkat clung to Gamzee in his sleep, but it was less than peaceful. The same nightmares that plagued him every night circled through his head. The blue and red lights flashing as the paramedics and police made their way to the scene.

The boy could see everything. The broken glass, the blood, the car that somehow resembled a warped piece of metal. He saw paramedics rush to his side first, then Gamzee's, and finally Terezi's. It hurt to see them in such states. It hurt terribly.

He could see each of them carried into the ambulances as the crew carried out their lifesaving procedures.

It was all his fault.


	4. Dark

_**AN: **__Hi guys! Seraph here, just wanted to say that I'm changing the way I upload my stories. Instead of waiting for me to finish the next chapter in the sequence before I release my finished chapters, I'm going to go ahead and post them on a one and done basis. That way I can keep the updates regular, and have some sort of balance with my fic for Kuroshitsuji. I'm trying to keep the word count and things even on them, but right now the Kuro one is 1,000 words ahead so chapter four will be extra long for you guys :D _

_Disclaimer: As much as I would love it, I don't own Homestuck. That is the creative brain baby of Andrew Hussie. _

When Karkat awoke, Gamzee wasn't in bed with him. It wasn't unusual, Gamzee generally had to leave from their weekly hangouts early for appointments and things that couldn't be done over the course of the week. His parents home-schooled him, but they kept Gamzee on a strict schedule.

Karkat shivered in the morning light. It couldn't have been more than eight in the morning. The screams from his nightmare still reverberated in his head. He wished more than anything that Gamzee wasn't gone. His eyes closed for a moment, then he felt arms slipping around his waist.

"Hey bro." Gamzee's voice was in his ear, and Karkat relaxed against him.

"H-hey. You're still here. I thought your parents had picked you up."

"Nah, I don't have anything scheduled today." The unspoken for once rang through the air. Gamzee pulled Karkat closer, enjoying the closeness. Gamzee thought Karkat smelled particularly good, whether it was from some body wash, or just his natural smell it was unknown.

Karkat turned in Gamzee's arms and gently kissed Gamzee. The juggalo kissed him back softly; Karkat's hands slid up to tangle in his hair.

"Kar." Gamzee whispered and pulled him closer.

Karkat shivered softly. God how he wished his parents weren't home. He wanted to be even closer. "Y-yeah?"

Gamzee laughed softly, stroking his hair. "We should be...careful." Karkat was blushing heavily. He didn't trust his voice so he nodded in acceptance. He had no clue how his parents would react. Gamzee brushed a dark lock out of Karkat's face. "You've been growing your hair out?"

Once again Karkat nodded. "Yeah," the boy laughed, "I've been growing it out for awhile."

"Oh, guess I never really noticed. Of course you never know something till you touch it bro." Gamzee laughed. His comments never made sense somtimes.

Karkat laughed along with him and kissed his cheek. "You're cute." Gamzee blushed and nuzzled Karkat softly.

The two were a perfect match. Their bodies were the perfect moulds, one fitting where the other lacked. "Bro, have you ever wondered about what the stars were?" Gamzee looked up at the ceiling; as if the popcorn texture were stars.

"Hot balls of gas?"Karkat chuckled and threaded his fingers with Gamzee's. "I mean, that's what they're made of."

"Yeah but, that's just what they tell us. What if they're angels man? What if that's where we go? How fucking cool would that be? To be staring at angels all the time."

Karkat sighed softly. "It...it'd be great. Knowing that everyone you've ever loved are right there and they're alright."

Gamzee nodded and kissed Karkat's cheek. "It's gonna be alright Karbro, just you wait. It's gonna be alright." The two continued to lay in bed. They were comforted by their sheer proximity alone. The quiet of the atmosphere and the comfort brought on by Gamzee relaxed Karkat enough that he soon fell into a peaceful slumber.

When Karkat awoke, Gamzee was gone again. After checking his watch, he decided that the older boy had in fact gone home. It was nearing three in the afternoon and he had yet to eat anything. The disabled boy sighed as he hauled himself out of bed and strapped on the infernal contraption that was supposed to heal his leg and grabbed his crutches. He then hobbled out to the kitchen.

"Glad that you joined the land of the living Karkat." His mother's voice floated from over by the sink. She was washing the dishes from breakfast and lunch. He wasn't sure if Gamzee had fixed himself anything or not. 'You're such a shitty friend Vantas.'

"Karkat, you're still in your pajamas?" The older woman sighed as she caught sight of her son.

The teen nodded and sat down at the island; setting his crutches beside him. "Yeah, didn't feel like getting dressed today."

His mother laughed softly. "You haven't eaten at all have you?" It wasn't unlike Karkat to miss a meal. Karkat's stomach grumbled in response, making his mother laugh harder. "Alright, I'll fix you something to snack on since dinner is soon." She gently ruffled his hair and moved over to the refrigerator. "Karkat. Why do we have so many bottles of Faygo?"

"I thought Gamzee would drink them all." Karkat mumbled softly.

"Karkat, Gamzee...Gamzee couldn't possibly drink this much." Her voice was softer now. "Your appointment with Dr. Lalonde is tomorrow. Maybe...Maybe you should talk with her about Gamzee?"

Karkat made a face, but nodded. "Yeah, I guess I have new stuff to tell her anyways." He heaved a sigh and fiddled with a pin in his crutch.

"Here sweetie...Your favorite." She gave a small smile. His mother had been acting so strange around him since the accident, like she was afraid to break him.

Karkat thanked her and began to nibble on his food. Suddenly he wasn't so hungry anymore. The air was filled with tension, and Karkat couldn't tell what he had done wrong. He waited for his mother to leave and slipped the remainder of the food into a small plastic container for later.

'What was that all about?' He thought as he grabbed is phone from his desk. He smiled a little to himself when he saw that he had a message from Gamzee.

'HeY bRo, YoU'rE SlEePiN' NoW, bUt I hAd To Go, TaLK tO YoU LaTEr'

Karkat began typing out a reply. 'IT'S OK, HAVE A FUN TIME WITH WHATEVER CREEPY CLOWN SHIT YOU'RE UP TO TONIGHT.' He frowned as he pressed the shift key, testing to see if the key would come unstuck. It was no such luck, he was stuck typing like this for the time being.

While he fiddled with his key, the device rang. An eerie melody floated from the speakers. "Karkat. What's up?"

"Karkat, your mother called me and said you might want to talk to me? Is everything alright."

Of course Lalonde would call him on the advice of his mother. "Yeah, I'm fine. " His tone was less than conversatonal.

"Alright Karkat, remember. Your session is first thing tomorrow morning."


	5. Normal

_**Authors Note: **__Hi guys! Told you I'd write you up an extra long chapter! 2,060 words without the author's note. Please excuse any errors in formatting and such. I've been trying to fix things as I go, and then look over things, but I'm human so of course things slip through. The next chapter will mark the halfway point of part one! Thank you so much to everyone who reads, and a cookie for everyone who reviews! You guys make me smile when I hope up my email after a long day in class and see that you guys have followed it/reviewed. It just really makes my day! Thanks to everyone who reads!_

_Leena, Morgan, this is for you guys! Thanks for helping me through this past week! _

_Disclaimer: I still don't own Homestuck!_

The next morning Karkat was out the door before he could even fully think. It was seven in the morning, and the only times he woke up this early was for school. It was torture to be awake this early on a weekend, and his eyes burned in the light. "Gog this sucks."

"Karkat? Doctor Lalonde will speak with you now." Karkat stood as his mother came out from the office. It was their habit. His mother would go in, speak to Doctor Lalonde about her concerns for her son, and then Karkat would go in and explain that he honestly was fine and didn't need to be on any medication or receive any additional therapy.

The teen sighed and moved from the waiting room to Lalonde's office; taking a seat on the odd sofa recliner thing that she always made him sit on. It was supposed to be 'relaxing' but to be honest, the cold leather only seemed to make him hyper aware of everything around him. "Good morning Karkat."

"Morning Doctor." Karkat was less than enthusiastic. He was tired, and didn't want to be there. The nightmares had continued though.

Rose smirked. "I have told you to call me Rose, Karkat. These sessions aren't supposed to be set up on ritual and archaic thoughts of propriety."

He hated when she did that, it was too early to deal with the therapist bullshit. "Sorry, Rose."

"How have you been sleeping Karkat? You look tired." Doctor Lalonde wrote a note on her clip board, probably to begin documenting that once again he wasn't sleeping.

"I've been trying to get more..." Karkat trailed off. He didn't want her to put him on some sort of sleep aid. The last time he was on one of those he could hardly tell if he was awake or asleep.

Doctor Lalonde nodded again, scribbling on her clipboard. "Have you been having nightmares again?" This time it was Karkat who nodded.

"They haven't stopped really. It's the same dream over and over...just from different angles." Karkat slipped his hands in the pocket of his hoodie. The grey fabric was loose and baggy around his frame.

Rose took even more notes. "They're still about the accident? What is it that you see?"

"I see..." He took a deep breath. There was no point in getting upset. "I can see the...the paramedics pull Gamzee out of the car. I see them start CPR. I can see them pull Terezi out of the back...I see just how bad she's cut up. It's like...It's like I'm watching everything I missed when I passed out."

Lalonde frowned. "You were unconscious for those events, so how do you know how it happened Karkat?"

"...They told me." He sighed. His head was hurting, and his breathing was uneven. It wouldn't do good to have a panic attack while in the therapist's office.

Lalonde's frown deepened. "Who told you about the accident."

"My friends, the news papers, the police report."

"You have a copy of the police report?" Once again Lalonde jotted down some notes. Probably about Karkat's total guilt about the event. It wasn't like he was driving drunk and crashed into someone. The car had hydroplaned, and took Karkat into the wrong side of the road.

The teen nodded. He fiddled with his sweatshirt. God these things made him so uncomfortable. He hated how she sounded so surprised every time he told her something. He hated the way she judged him and how she constantly though he needed more 'help'.

"Karkat, it isn't good to linger with these things. I understand that you were found to be not at fault for the accident. The condition of the road was to blame."

"No, you must have heard wrong. I was declared at fault." After all, he had panicked and took too long to follow the instructions on what to do when your car hydroplanes on a turn.

Lalonde shook her head. "Karkat, I've got the paper sitting here. It says you were cleared. No negligence, no charges. The insurance company is taking care of the damages and everything."

"What?" This wasn't what Karkat remembered.

"You were cleared." Rose's voice was gentle. She realized that she was walking on eggshells as she broke the news to him. "They said that the road was to blame. Here's the report Karkat." She quickly circled the findings and handed them to Karkat.

He stared, confused and shaking. "But..." He took a deep breath, he must have read the report wrong at first. "I-I guess I was so...so stressed I read it wrong..."

Rose bit her lip. "Karkat, is this the only thing that's happened? Has anything out of the ordinary happened?"

Karkat shook his head. "N-no. I...I mean other than the nightmares..."

"Is there anything that might be causing a lot of stress in your life Karkat?"

"The accident...I..I just got into a relationship...school...mom treats me like I'm going to fall apart at any time." Karkat wrapped his arms around his waist, he felt suddenly cold.

"You're in a relationship? That's a big step for you Karkat. That's good." She smiled softly. "Want to talk about it."

"Y-yeah. I guess. I-I mean he's always been there for me. H-he he's really sweet."

"He?" Her eyebrows raised. "Sorry, I just wasn't expecting that. Your mother said you were really close to Terezi."

"I still am." He smiled softly. "She's amazing." Karkat relaxed a bit. He still hated the fact that he was in therapy, but he felt a bit better. Maybe this therapy thing was working.

Rose nodded softly. "So he's good for you?"

Karkat took his turn to nod. His cheeks were slightly pink. "He helps me calm down when I start panicking."

Rose smiled softly. "It's good that he can do that for you. Eventually you'll be able to manage them yourself, and not have to take medication for them."

Karkat gave a small smile. He had stopped taking the medication awhile ago, but she didn't need to know that. The phone in Karkat's pocket vibrated and he frowned. "Sorry about that, guess I forgot to put it on silent."

The elder woman chuckled. "It's alright, it's good that you're communicating with people again." Karkat nodded and pulled out his phone to turn it off. "Now Karkat, your mother mentioned you haven't been wearing your brace."

"I'm getting it readjusted today...The initial fitting wasn't correct and it hurt."

"Have you at least been using the crutches?"

Karkat looked guilty. "No...I didn't think about just using those."

"Karkat you need to allow yourself to heal properly."

He sighed. "I..I know. He got onto me about not wearing it the day before yesterday."

"Your boyfriend?"

Karkat nodded and played with his fingers. "Yeah, he said he didn't want me to get hurt because I was too silly to wear the thing."

"Well he's right, you shouldn't be hurting yourself, even if it's inadvertently." Rose scribbled down a few notes. "Now, Karkat, your mom told me about an incident in the kitchen yesterday." Karkat frowned. What incident? He guessed dropping the soda would have counted as an incident to his mother.

"She said you bought soda for Gamzee?"

"Yeah, I guess she didn't notice him over."

Doctor Lalonde frowned but nodded. "Have you been taking your medications?"

Karkat knew he couldn't lie. She would just simply ask his mom and she would rat him out. "No. I haven't."

"Is there a reason for this?"

"They make me feel odd. Like I'm not...real."

Rose's frown deepened. "That isn't good. How long did you take them before you stopped?"

"About a month. I took them from my first appointment till..till the incident from last time."

"The mirror incident?"

Karkat nodded. "Y-yeah." He shuddered just thinking about it. He had spent two days in the hospital under 'observation' for his safety.

"After..after that I stopped taking them..."

"And you didn't tell me in the visit after that because?" Rose watched him expectantly.

"I...I thought you'd make me take it again."

Doctor Lalonde sighed; leaning forward slightly. "Karkat, I can't fix any problems with your medication unless you tell me about the way it effects you. Have you been taking your anti anxiety medications?"

"No." His voice was a soft whisper.

Rose sighed. "Karkat, you can't punish yourself by not taking your medication. Your medication is there to help you by lessening the affects of your panic attacks so you can deal with them on your own and hopefully gain the skills to overcome them completely."

Karkat sighed. Maybe he was supposed to suffer. It was his fault his friends were hurt. "Sorry."

"Karkat, we want you to be able to get better."

The teen nodded, biting his lip softly. "I just thought I didn't need it. I mean..The attacks haven't been too bad. Not like they used to be."

"They've gotten better?"

"Yeah, they...they don't show up as often. I mean, only when I start over thinking things."

"That's good. You still have your bottle just in case they get too bad, correct?"

"It's still on my dresser, and I have a bottle at school in the nurse's office."

"Good." She scribbled down another note, then went to her desk to grab her prescription pad. "I'm going to give you a different medication, I'm also going to give you a lower dose. I think your reaction was a combination of too high of a dose, and the wrong anti-psychotic."

Karkat flinched. He hated that wasn't crazy. He just kept having flashbacks. "T-thanks."

"If you start feeling odd after taking them for a month, I want you to stop taking them. I'm also going to let your mother know you're on a different medication, so that she can look after you, is that alright?" Karkat was eighteen, so his parents didn't need to know about his treatment.

"I don't care...but, what if something happens...like the mirror incident?"

"I'm hoping this medication won't do that, but if something like that happens again, where you begin to get dissociative and begin seeing things again, I want you to call me, any time, day or night. You have my number in your cell phone, and your mother has it as well. You can call me at any time Karkat. "

The teen nodded and thanked her. The session was soon over, and Karkat walked out with his new prescription. Karkat's mother helped him into the car, then got into the drivers seat.

"I'm going to pick up your prescription while you're in the doctor's office. Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah...Hey...Mom?"

"Yes sweetie?" She turned to him as she pulled into the parking lot.

"..Thank you." He looked up at her and gave a small smile. "T-thanks for everything."

Karkat's mother wiped her eyes on green sleeves. "It's no trouble Karkat." The woman hugged her son close. "I'm supposed to take care of you."

Karkat laughed a little. "I-I just..I just wanted to say thank you for helping me out."

Meulin ruffled his hair. "It's alright sweetie. Everything will be alright."

Karkat nodded and opened the door. "I gotta get in for my appointment...see you back out here?"

His mother nodded and kissed his cheek. "See you soon sweetheart."

Karkat ran inside, getting his brace adjusted, and consequently receiving a lecture about why he should wear his brace. The appointment didn't last for long, and he was soon outside, waiting for his mother. His phone rang, and Karkat quickly rescued it from his pocket.

"Karkat Vantas speaking."

"HEY BRO!" Karkat had to pull his ear away from the phone. "How you doing brother?"

Karkat chuckled. "Hey Gamzee. I'm doing good. Just got my brace fixed."

"Good! Now don't go running around without it. You can't hurt yourself bro."

Karkat sighed softly. "I won't Gam. I'll wear it, and I'll make sure to use my crutches."

"Good, can't have you getting hurt. Ter called while you were at Lalonde's office. She wants to go meet down at the park. Says something about finding some cool place Dunno how the sightless sister can find a new place to hang, less she went out with Sol or one of them."

Karkat laughed. "Alright, I'll be there in an hour at most."

"Alright, see you then bro."

"Bye" Karkat hung up and waited in the car for his mother.


	6. Strange

_**Authors note:**__ Two chapters in one day! I must love you guys or something. XD Well this is the halfway point to part one. As I have discussed with some of you, this is where things get fun for me. I'm eventually going to have to build a bunker though. Cause by the time chapter ten rolls around I'm going to need to hide from the mobs and flames._

_Disclaimer: All of this is Hussie's brain child just warped by me 3_

After running errands, Karkat's mother wasn't at all opposed to dropping Karkat off at the park. "Do you need me to pick you up or do you have a ride home?

"I'll be okay. If I can't get a ride I'll walk. It isn't that far."

"Karkat your leg is hurt, if you can't get a ride, call me alright?"

He sighed and smiled softly. "Alright mom. I'll be back for dinner." The teen waved a goodbye and made his way over to their usual meeting spot in the park. Karkat was almost knocked off his crutches as Gamzee tried to give him a hug.

"KARBRO!"

"Hey Gam." He laughed as his friend crushed the air out of him. "Hey Ter. Now how did you find this new spot?"

"What, blind girl can't wander around a park alone?"

Gamzee looked shocked. "Sis, you know what sort of people hang around parks. You never know who's gonna come up behind a poor sis like you."

Terezi smirked. "I was kidding, Sollux and I went yesterday while you two were getting all cozy." Behind her red glasses, Terezi's eyebrows waggled.

"Nothing like that happened Ter. We just hung out."

"Suuuure Karkles. You mean to tell me there weren't any sloppy make outs going on?"

"N-no I mean."

Gamzee laughed. "We did kiss bro. But nah sis, not like that."

Terezi frowned. "Well that's no fun. I figured you wouldn't be able to keep your hands off each other what with the secret red pinings for each other going on."

Gamzee's laugh grew louder as he shook his head. "Nah, Karbro's a perfect gentleman."

"Yeah, gentleman." Karkat mumbled. Those definitely weren't gentlemanly thoughts infiltrating his head last night.

Terezi laughed and smirked. "Anyways, to the awesome spot! We shall commence, or there shall be cane drubbings for everyone."

The party laughed and made their way to the spot that Terezi had found. There was a small creek going through the edge of the woods. Beside the creek was a small bench, and on the other side a small tree growing in the center of the clearing.

"Wow Ter...it's gorgeous."

"Thanks Karkles, glad you appreciate beautiful scenery."

Gamzee was too busy climbing the tree to pay any attention to the pair who sat down on the bench. "I wonder who put this here?" Karkat stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"Probably the people who found it before us." The old bench was weather worn and looked like it needed a good coat of paint. There were cracks in the wood from the rain and sun. The metal fixtures had rusted to the point where they were no longer black, or at least that was the colour Karkat guessed they had been painted. "Gamzee what are you doing?"

"Swingin bro." Gamzee had wrapped his knees around a limb and was hanging down from the branch. "Makes the world seem different ya know?"

Karkat laughed and smiled. "It's pretty out here."

Terezi nodded and rested her head on Karkat's shoulder. "Don't worry Karkles, no flushed feelings for ya, just need to rest a bit." She was suddenly tired. As if the day had come through and stolen her energy.

"Ter, are you alright?"

"Yeah, like I said. I'm just tired. No need to freak out on me Karkles. "

Karkat sighed. "Alright Ter. Just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"I'm fine Karkles. I just get tired sometimes."

Gamzee watched from his perch in the tree, frowing. Terezi couldn't be sick could she? No, of course not. The sister was too cool to get sick.

The group stayed there for a few hours, just relaxing in the company before Terezi's phone went off. She frowned at the music declaring it was her parents calling. "Terezi speaking...Yeah, I was just heading home. No, I don't need a ride. Gamzee's walking me home. Alright Mom. I'll talk to you later. Bye."

"Time's up?" Gamzee swung down from the tree. The juggalo seemed to be a secret acrobat.

"Yeah Gam. Time to go." Terezi stood quickly, and almost lost her balance. Gamzee steadied her, frowning. "S-sorry. Guess I didn't get my feet right." She was so dizzy. She shouldn't have come out.

"Sis, you're burnin' up." Gamzee's frown deepened. "I'm getting your butt back home. Now." The clown picked her up, and with the help of Karkat, got her back to his car. "Sorry bout this bro. See you later." Gamzee's good bye was quick, and it wasn't soon after that he pulled out of the parking lot and drove off.

Karkat sighed and stuck his crutches under his arm, and began to hobble home. He knew he had promised his mother, but he needed the time to himself. He was worried about Terezi. He had never seen her that sick. Not where she couldn't walk. Not since the accident. His arms ached as he continued to hobble down the street. Cars slowed as the passed, as if debating to offer the crippled boy a ride but deciding against it. The sky was at least clear as he made his way from the park to home.

By the time he arrived his arms were aching and his leg throbbed. 'Fuck. Why didn't I just call home?' The teen sank to the steps, waiting to go in. If his mother saw him like this she'd be furious. He coughed slightly. He wasn't used to that much work just to go a few blocks down the road.

He was freezing. His body wouldn't stop shaking. Had Terezi gotten him sick? It wouldn't have hit that fast, of course he had seen he yesterday. She was probably sick then too. He shivered and tried to calm down. He just had to wait a little bit longer before he could go inside. Just enough to catch his breath.

The teen stood and stumbled towards the door. His crutches were abandoned by the steps as leaned against the wooden portal. He fumbled with the door knob and slipped through the doorway. Meulin and Kankri were sitting on the sofa, watching the television. When they heard their son come through the door they looked up. "Dinner's in the ove-" Meulin stood and rushed over to Karkat's side. "Karkat what's wrong? You...you look terrible. Kankri help me get him to his room." Kankri stood and helped get Karkat into bed. They removed his hoodie once Meulin realized he was running a fever.

Karkat's face was flushed, and everything looked fuzzy, like he was staring through a dirty glass. "Kankri get me the thermometer." The teen could see his father move away as his mother gently stroked his hair. "It's going to be fine Karkat. It's just a fever. You'll be fine."

Karkat nodded. It was all he could do. His teeth were chattering, and his lips were a slight blue shade. He didn't even notice as his mother took his temperature. It wasn't long before he had a cup of water to his lips and some medication being handed to him. "Come on Karkat, it's just advil."

He took it without complaint and sipped on the water. Everything was so cold. He just wanted his hoodie back, and sleep. Sleep sounded so good. It wasn't long after that his eyes closed and he slipped into the abyss.

It took a week for Karkat to get better, though once he was no longer sick, he didn't exactly feel better. He had begun taking his medication, and once again it was making him feel odd. He avoided mirrors in case something set him off like last time. Last time was terrible. He thought his face had changed in the mirror. He looked more like some painted up clown than himself, and it scared the shit out of him. He had broken the mirror and had began to claw at his face. The cuts weren't deep, and didn't leave any scars, but after that Karkat wouldn't take that medication again.

He kept to himself during the first weeks of starting the new medication, and as it continued to poison his brain he felt himself slipping more and more each day.

He could swear he'd hear people who weren't there. That he could see someone following him. But Karkat would write it off as simply a side effect from the sudden chemical change to his head.

His phone rang and Terezi was on the other side. "Vantas speaking."

"Karkles! How are you feeling? I heard you got my bug."

"Much better, how about you?" His voice was bleak and he couldn't exactly hear everything she was saying. It sounded like it came from the other end of a tunnel.

"I'm doing great. Gam got sick too, so he crashed at my place. "

"Is he okay too?"

"Yeah your boyfriend is fine, dont' worry about him. He was upset that his paint got washed off from the cold rags that were permanently installed to our foreheads."

Karkat nodded. Of course Gamzee would get upset about that instead of being sick. He heard a knock at his door. "Karkat, how are you feeling sweetie?"

"Fine mom."

"Do you need to go Karkles? Or are you still okay?" His phone sounded like he had dropped it in water. Why did everything feel so far away? It was like nothing was real anymore.

"I'm fine Ter. I think she was just checking up on me." Just trying to make sure he hadn't offed himself yet.

"Alright. Well I was just calling to check up on you. You're still coming down to the lake tomorrow right? For the camping trip."

"Yeah. I'll be there."

"Good. See you then Karkles!"


	7. Cold

_**Authors note: **__Alright I'm sick today so I figured I'd write up the rest of chapter six. Once again this is a long chapter..well long ish. A lot of fanfictions make theirs longer but I like focusing on a set of scenes. We are now four chapters to the midway point of this story. Anyways I hope you guys enjoy and thanks for all the reviews and reads! They make me feel better!_

_As always this is dedicated to Mileena and Morgan. You two are so freaking amazing._

_Disclaimer: I still don't own Homestuck._

Karkat was up early for the camping trip, packing his bags and gathering his gear before tentatively driving to the lake. He hated driving now. His hands shook; his entire body was tense. Twice Karkat had to pull over just to get sick on the side of the road from nerves.

His phone rang when he was a few minutes out from the campsite. "Hey Karbro, do you need someone to pick you up? We totally didn't think about it before."

"I-I'm fine Gam. I'm like..two minutes out. I just need directions on which one is ours, and where to fucking park this thing."

"Gotcha bro. We're on the left. Spot 314, it's on the left. We're all here. Actually I'm gonna stand outside for ya bro. "

Karkat turned a corner, and Gamzee stood out in front of the camp site, waving him down the path. The teen carefully turned in and shut off the engine. "Fuck I hate driving."

"We know Karkles." Terezi laughed. "You look like you're about to get sick. Want some water?" Karkat greatfully nodded, getting out of the car. He was a bit woozy from his medicine, and he stumbled slightly. "Karkat?"

"I'm fine. Just...Just the medication they've got me on. "

"Rose gotcha on that mind stuff again?"

"Not the same...but yeah. The stuff doesn't work worth a shit though. I don't have flashbacks, but I end up with bloody shadows following me." He wrapped his arms around himself, and Gamzee frowned.

"You call her yet bro? That shit is some wicked nonsense."

"Nah, It's not bad. Might just be the pills still working into my system. My next session isn't for another three weeks, and I'd like to keep it that way."

"Alright bro." Gamzee slipped his arms around Karkat, frowning at how cold he felt. "Lets get you by the fire KK. You need some heat. I'll set your shit up. Terezi, entertain this motherfucker."

"With pleasure."

Gamzee ran over to Karkat's truck and pulled out the gear, setting it up in Gamzee's tent. Karbro didn't need to be alone right now.

"Thanks Gamzee." Karkat focused on the fire and the lake. They were both beautiful. The dancing flames flickered and smoked as something heated in a kettle nearby. It was probably hot water for Terezi's tea. The girl loved her tea.

The lake was a steel blue in the early morning light. He could hear the sound of the water rushing up to meet the banks in little waves. He could see people already out boating and having a good time, even though it was only eight in the morning. The water was probably cold considering it was late fall, but everyone looked like they were having a good time. He even saw little kids playing in the shallows, splashing each other as their parents looked on.

"Your stuff is set up Kar. " Karkat looked up at Gamzee's face and started back, nearly falling off his seat. Gamzee's usual paint had been replaced by what looked like blood. It dripped down his face and from cuts along his body. "Karkat?" The blood began to pool at Gamzee's feet in vast quantities. The scar along his neck extended to look like someone had slashed it.

Terezi waved her hand in front of Karkat's face, nearly smacking the boy in the nose. "Karkles? What's wrong?"

"S-s-stop." Karkat closed his eyes, resting his head in his lap. "S-s-sorry guys."

"Meds really fucking with you?"

Karkat nodded. His body was shaking again. They hadn't been this bad. He wondered if by continuing to take the medication that he was making them worse. Or the recent stress of driving, that could have caused the odd hallucination he was having now. "Sorry..." He took a deep breath. He really didn't want to have to take an anti anxiety pill. He didn't know how they would react together.

"It's okay Karbro. You want me to go wash the paint off? It might help. I think I'm scarin' the kids off anyways."

"It..It's fine."

Gamzee left anyways, slipping into his tent and wiping down his face with a baby-wipe. When he returned, the juggalo was free of all makeup and smiled. "All gone."

Karkat looked up again and nodded. The blood was gone and Gamzee just smiled wider. "Sorry Gamzee." He was shaking from the stress. Everything seemed to look too sharp, too vivid to be real.

"It's no problem bro. Just let us know when you're tripping out and we'll watch after you." He kissed Karkat's cheek and removed the kettle from the fire, pouring a cup for Terezi. "Your tea's done sis. Not sure where we put the sugar."

"By the tree." Terezi pointed in the general direction of the tree. She had been coming to the campsite for years.

"Thanks." He retrieved it and placed a spoonful in her cup, stirring it. "There, now it's fixed up just the way you like it."

"Thanks mum." Terezi blew on the hot liquid and sipped at its contents. "You want some Karkles?"

"Nah Ter, I'm good."

"Yeah Kar likes them stronger." Gamzee's eyebrows waggled. He pulled a small cooler out from under his seat. "Wicked Elixers!"

"Oh Gog Gamzee you didn't bring booze did you?"

"Naw sis, Faygo." Gamzee popped open the cooler and nestled among the Faygo were glass bottles filled with some sort of alcoholic beverage. The bottles shifted and clinked softly.

"Faygo my ass. If you end up hung over don't come crying to me because I have all the Advil."

Gamzee snorted. "Don't need it sis', the Gamzee never gets sick."

"You might not, but Karkat does. Remember last year and his wonderful stomach pyrotechnics show?"

Karkat frowned. "I don't even remember that night, let alone drinking that much."

"Well bro, you got a little...cuddly after midnight." Gamzee smiled at the now blushing Karkat. "It was cute, and I wasn't complaining. I was buzzed too." Out of all of them, the juggalo had the best tolerance, although he tended to mix his substances of abuse.

"Well fine boys, get drunk, but if you two end up in my tent, there will be cane drubbings for the both of you."

Karkat laughed softly. He felt good for the first time in awhile. Perhaps it was the sunshine and friends? The anxiety was beginning to ease and things seemed to dull out. He wasn't hyper aware of every edge and shadow to the world.

"So, who is up for lakeside stroll?"

"Gog Gamzee that's so gay." Terezi laughed. "I'm actually going to take a nap, figure we won't be doing super fun things till after the lights go down anyways. What with Gamzee's affinity for spinning flaming shit around."

"It's fun, don't diss it my sister."

"I'm not, I'm just saying hearing flames rush near your head will freak anyone out."

Karkat smiled softly and took Gamzee's hand. "I'll walk with you Gam. You going to be okay by yourself Ter?"

"Yeah I'm fine. Go ahead and go. Like I said I'm getting a nap." Terezi stood, grabbing her cane and poking her way over to her tent. "Make sure to go put your car up Karkles, don't want to ruin our beautiful view."

"I'll move it sis." Gamzee slipped his hand into Karkat's back pocket. Karkat blushed furiously as Gamzee pulled out his keys. The pair climbed into the car, and began driving up the road.

Karkat looked up at his boyfriend, smiling gently. When Gamzee glanced over to smile back, Karkat couldn't see his face. Instead he saw himself in the drivers seat. He looked thin, almost emaciated. His eyes had dark bruise like circles under his eyes. With a blink the vision faded, and Gamzee was back in the driver's seat. "Kar? What's wrong?"

"N-nothing. I need to stop taking these meds as soon as fucking possible." He shook his head and sighed. "Sorry I'm such a nutcase."

"No problem bro. Dr. Lalonde had to try all sorts of crap with me to find one that worked. I had to tell her when my crap wasn't working though bro. You gotta tell her when your stuff isn't working. She'll help you get off of it without too many side effects. She says I gotta stop drinkin' though. Says it messes with my medication."

"Well, alcohol is a depressant. So yeah I could see why she'd want you to quit."

"But it ruins the fun. Plus it's better than smokin' right now. That stuff...I see everything now." Gamzee pulled into a parking lot and put the car in park. "By the way, where are your crutches?"

"Brought a walking stick. I talked about it with my doctor. "

Gamzee nodded. "At least you're not ignoring it. Where's your stick?"

"Trunk." Karkat couldn't help but blush at that loaded phrase.

Gamzee laughed and went out to get the stick while Karkat opened his door. Gamzee handed him the carved wood and took Karkat's hand. "Shall we walk?"

"We shall."

The two made their way down to the lake and began to walk along the edge. They walked hand in hand, each of them wearing a smile. Gamzee helped Karkat navigate the uneven ground. Eventually they stopped so that Karkat could rest.

"Does your leg hurt?"

"Not too bad. Just a bit sore. Doc said it would be good to work it a bit though." Karkat smiled at Gamzee as they sat down. "The lake is pretty." The view from their little spot on the hill was gorgeous. He could see across the lake, back over to the campsites, and over those were the violet-blue shadows of the mountains.

"Yeah, it is. " Karkat smiled. The lake was serene. Children laughed and shrieked. The fall wind blew ripples on the water, and everything smelt like leaves and earth.

Gamzee wrapped an arm around Karkat's waist. "The sky's gorgeous too."

"Yeah, it is." The clouds were bright and wispy in the sky, which was an overwhelmingly blue.

Gamzee nuzzled him. "Do you ever wonder, if there are angles up there?"

"Sometimes."

"They're real you know. Angels. I see them all the time."

Karkat looked up at him. "Even with the medication?"

"Yeah. I don't think the medication's gonna stop them. I think that's just...just an after affect of being dead for a bit."

Karkat kissed his cheek. "We'll be okay." It was days like where he could feel again. He could feel the guilt, the pain, and the love. Every inch of him ached. His head was screaming at him to stop, but he couldn't figure out what.

"Yeah. Everything will be alright." Gamzee leaned over and kissed Karkat softly. The young teen blushed and kissed him back.

"Gamzee." Karkat sighed as Gamzee slid closer.

"Y-yeah bro?" Gamzee was blushing heavily.

Karkat kissed him again. "Perhaps we should...go back to the tents...We...We're getting stared at."

"True bro. Don't want to grope you in front of all these people." Gamzee stood, and helped Karkat up. He then handed the boy his walking stick and the two made their way back to the campsite. The two entered the camp and slipped into the tents. Karkat tripped on a bag, landing on the camp mattress that Gamzee had set up with an oomph.

"Karkat?" Gamzee slipped in, closing the zipper and sliding beside him. When Karkat didn't answer Gamzee shook him slightly. "Karkat?"

But to Karkat the world had faded away, leaving him in an empty tent in the middle of the night. It was cold, and dark. He could see his breath. He wasn't dressed for the weather. His short sleeves accentuated the thinness of his arms. His jeans hung off his bony frame. "G-g-gamzee?" He shivered violently. He fumbled around for anything that could be used to warm himself and grabbed a blanket. "T-t-terezi?" He pulled the blanket around himself. God he was so cold. He heard his phone ringing and reached over to pick it up.

"Karkat where are you?" Meulin's voice crackled from the other side of the speaker. She sounded worried. "You haven't called us in days." Days? Why would they think he had been gone for days. He left just this morning.

"I don't...I don't...I think I'm...I'm at the campsite?" Karkat glanced through the open tent door to double check. He couldn't understand how he had gone from day to night, from warmth to cold, from being with friends to being utterly alone.

"We're coming to pick you up."

"O-okay." His vision grew fuzzy and things began to distort. The voice on the phone seemed distant, and it wasn't long before Karkat could hear Gamzee again.

"Karkat? Bro?!" He could feel someone shake him, and then the vision faded away. He was back in the tent with Gamzee. The sun was shining, and the air was simply that of a crisp fall afternoon. Everything was back to normal. Everything was back to the way it should be.

"S-s-s-sorry."

"I'm calling Dr. Lelonde man. You...you blacked out Karbro." Gamzee looked worried. He was holding Karkat in his arms, and tears were staining his face.

"I-I'm fine." Karkat couldn't keep lying to himself. He needed help.

"Karkat you weren't responding to me. You've been out for ten minutes..."

Karkat shook his head. "Gamzee I'm fine. Please...lets just..lets just have fun tonight okay?" Gamzee sighed but nodded. He was tired of the boy abusing himself. He had no reason to be upset.

"Fine. One more trip and I'm callin Rose though bro."

Karkat nodded. "A-Alright." He wasn't crazy. He was just having issues with his medication. He should have called her a long time ago. Back when the shadows started to appear. Back when he would see figures following him that didn't exist. The medication was making him see things.

The scene of the tent in the night couldn't have been real. It was only noon, and it was only September. There was no way it could be cold enough for him to see his breath in September. He couldn't be that thin either. He ate regularly. He made sure of it. The medication said to take it once a day with food. If he didn't take it with food he'd get violently ill.

"I'll...I'll make sure to schedule another appointment with her."

"Good. You had me worried bro. I thought you'd hit your head or something." Gamzee held him close. The juggalo was shaking. He was so worried about Karkat, and there was nothing he could do. Sure he could continue to rant about how he had to go talk to Dr. Lelonde, but if he refused it wasn't like he could make him go. The best thing Gamzee could do was talk to Karkat's parents, but they were already watching him closely. Any closer and they'd begin to suffocate the boy.

Karkat kissed Gamzee softly, and Gamzee kissed him back. Fingers tangled in dark locks, and Gamzee channeled all of his worry into that one kiss, so that maybe Karkat would understand. Just maybe he'd finally start taking care of himself. That just maybe, he'd get better.

_**AN: **__So that was chapter 6 how did you guys enjoy it?_


	8. Warm

_**Authors note:**__ Well guys, here is Chapter 7. I'm sorry I have a distinct lack of update schedule, but I'm in school and writing every chance I get. Please excuse weird issues in grammar and spelling that I might have missed! In other news homecoming is this weekend, so I might not get a ton of writing done._

The day passed without incident, though Karkat and Gamzee stayed curled up in the tent. Karkat laid as close to Gamzee as possible while the juggalo traced patterns along his arms. "Karkat..."

"Yeah Gamzee?"

"I love you."

Karkat's heart skipped a beat. "I love you too Gamzee." The juggalo leaned in and captured Karkat's lips. He was gentle, and the tender warmth flooded Karkat's small frame. A cool hand slid its way up Karkat's shirt and the boy shuddered. "G-gamzee."

"Yeah bro?" The older male kissed along Karkat's neck with feather like touches. "Are my hands too cold?"

"N-n-no." Karkat shivered again, although it wasn't from cold. He could feel himself flushing from the sheer closeness of Gamzee.

The juggalo deepened the kiss and swallowed a moan as he slipped his hands lower on Karkat's frame. Karkat pressed closer, sliding his own hands under Gamzee's shirt; trying to find something to hold onto. His entire world felt like it was on fire and Gamzee was the only thing that wasn't burning up.

Gamzee shuddered and grabbed the hem of Karkat's shirt, lifting it over the boy's head. The black tee shirt was removed with ease and Karkat simply slid closer. "Karbro.." Gamzee whispered as he kissed along Karkat's collar and shoulders. The boy could only gasp in reply as Gamzee nipped his throat.

Karkat tugged futily at Gamzee's shirt, trying to remove the offending article while Gamzee continued to kiss along his chest. The clown then kissed down his stomach, causing Karkat's fingers to tangle in his hair. "G-g-gam." Karkat was flushed as he clung to the taller male.

"It's alright bro. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

There was a thwapping at the tent door as Terezi drubbed it with her cane. The entire structure shook. "Come on you two, party time. I didn't come out here to hear you two make out...or at least I hope you're just making out. It sounds like you're having your own party in there..." Terezi trailed off; feeling slightly awkward.

"We're fine Sis, I'm gonna whip up some food here in a sec, Karbro can get the music started and you can enjoy yourself." Karkat was surprised that Gamzee could even formulate a complete sentence let alone come up with a valid plan of action. Gamzee turned away from the tent door and leaned in close to Karkat's ear. "Don't worry bro. We'll continue where we left off later." The words were enough to make the younger boy shiver and nod at the promise.

The pair left the tent and began to work at getting the party ready. Gamzee pulled out a camping grill and began to make burgers while Karkat fiddled with a stereo system. With a few choice curses, music began to play from the the stereo.

"Awesome tunage Karkat."

The first song to play from Terezi's ipod was 'Imaginary' by Evanescence. Karkat smiled and listened to the haunting melody.

"Sis, what is this musical sadness?" Gamzee had slipped away from the grill to stand by Karkat.

"Evanescence, it's a good band you should listen to them."

"Nah sis I've got my mirthful messiahs, I don't need no sad chick singing about shit that ain't real."

Karkat laughed softly. "It's a really good song, but you're right, it's too sad for the party." He switched the playlist and smiled as Shots came on.

"Of course Karkles picks this one."

"Oh come on Ter, it happens to be your favorite. Most played on that list. So obviously it's your guilty pleasure."

"Shut up." She mumbled, ashamed that she listened to such a disgraceful song. But it was catchy, she had to give it it that.

Gamzee pulled out a set of poi from seemingly nowhere and smirked. "Sis, wanna feel the flames?" It was one of their quirks. Gamzee would spin fire and allow Terezi to follow his movements. For the blind girl, it almost felt like she could see again. The heat illuminated everything in her dark world.

Karkat helped Gamzee clear the area in the rapidly fading light and pulled out the first aid kit. He hadn't needed it before, and hopefully wouldn't need it. He pulled out a fire blanket and filled a pail from a nearby spigot.

The veil of darkness continued to descend upon the group as Gamzee continued to set up. He checked over his gear to make sure he wasn't going to accidentally fling frayed wicking at some poor bystander, most notably Karkat. He then walked over to Terezi. "Gotta check your clothing fiber sis. Don't want anything melting to that awesome skin of yours. Wouldn't be cool at all." Gamzee pulled out the tag to her shirt and frowned. "Poly sis. Gotta get rid of it. Karbro, do you got a shirt made of cotton for the sister?"

"Um.. the one I'm wearing is?" Karkat pulled off the shirt and checked the tag. "Yeah it's cotton. Sorry if it smells funny."

Terezi quickly changed shirts and laughed. "Karkles you smell like cinnamon and apples."

"Karbro does smell wicked good." The group laughed and Karkat flushed pink. Gamzee gave him a look that could melt even the coldest of hearts. He shivered softly, although the fire nearby continued to burn in the ever darkening night.

The elder male gave a wink to the shirtless boy and waggled his eyebrows. Karkat blushed even brighter and made his way over to the cooler and removed a wicked elixir. He cracked open a top and slid into place as he waited for Gamzee to fuel up and start his performance.

The clown slid on gloves and then carefully dipped the ends of his poi in the fuel can; covering the wicks and avoiding the chain. He then removed the wicks from the can and gently dabbed at them with a towel. He then squeezed out the excess fuel then left to wash his hands in the spigot.

Karkat made another sweep of the area; being careful to look out for anything that Gamzee and Terezi might trip over or anything of the flamible nature. Once he was satisfied he gave Gamzee the go ahead. "Alright Gam, you're clear."

"Thanks Karbro!" Gamzee moved over to the edge of the fire pit and carefully swung the fuel soaked wicking into the flames. Once he was sure they had caught he removed them and moved into place. He stood with Terezi close to his chest. "Careful now sis."

Terezi nodded. A wave of apprehension filled her and she stepped closer to Gamzee. "I'm ready."

Gamzee began to swing the poi; allowing them to loop to the sides. The orange circles created were beautiful. Karkat couldn't help but be enraptured by the spiraling wicks. Karkat watched Gamzee move and create the beautiful figures in the air. There were loops and spirals and weaves. Karkat was amazed by the flickering yellow lights.

He continued to watch the pair dance around the flames, listening to the hiss and roar of the flames as they moved about the area.

The longer Karkat watched the moving flames the more hollow he felt. His body began to feel distanced from the rest of the world. The vision grew farther and farther away. The image of his friends faded, leaving only a dim flash of light to his eyes.

"Karkat?" Meulin was sitting beside him. The tent was no longer dark, but bathed in the glow of a camping lantern.

Karkat looked around; slightly dazed. "M-mom?" His voice was hoarse and he couldn't stop shivering. He was wrapped in the blanket, and over that Meulin had layered her heavy pea-coat.

Meulin looked relieved. She pulled Karkat into a hug. "Thank God." She whispered softly as she clung to her son.

"Mom...why are you here?" Karkat tried to gain his bearings. It was so terribly cold though. He felt like he was frozen to his core.

Meulin frowned. "You...you weren't at home when we went to get you up. You didn't answer your phone. We called everyone we could think of..." She trailed off. "We should get you home."

Karkat nodded and jolted as he heard a phone ring. Meulin fished in the pocket of her jeans and answered it promptly. "Hello? Oh yes Dr. Lelonde. Yes I found him. He was at the campsite. I think he's okay, would you like to talk to him?" Meulin handed Karkat the contraption and he pressed it to his ear.

"Y-yeah?"

"Karkat, how are you feeling?"

"C-cold." He couldn't stop shivering. Meulin frowned and unzipped the tent door exposing a snowing wonderland. Karkat nearly dropped the phone. It was snowing?

"Alright Karkat, your mother is going to get you to my office. We need to talk."

"I-I'm fine. My meds just...just made me space out."

Meulin's frown deepened, yet she said nothing. She took off her hat and placed it on Karkat's head. She was so worried about him.

"Karkat, this isn't a question of you being fine or not. We need to talk." Karkat frowned. Doctor Lelonde never spoke like that to anyone as far as he knew.

"A-alright."


	9. Scared

**_Authors note: _**_So let me first correct a spelling mistake in my older chapters. I think I was misspelling Rose's last name. I'm pretty sure I kept putting Lelonde instead of Lalonde. If I did then I'm terribly sorry!  
In other news we are one chapter from the divide, and I'm pretty sure everyone is going to hate me for this chapter if they haven't figured it out by now.  
As a shameless plug, if the feels get to be too much you should go read "Behind Closed Doors" by Fluffykins0801, the story is so awesome! :) _  
_I'm just gonna go hide in my bunker now._

The car ride home was made in silence. Other than Meulin's glances at Karkat, there were no communications, no trying to cross the gap that had obviously fallen between Meulin and her son. God she hated the accident and what it had done to her only child. She cursed in her head, a habit she had picked up from Karkat, and fought the tears that threatened to spill over. Meulin couldn't cry while Karkat was with her. It would hurt him to see his mother cry. She only wished that he could understand exactly what was going on.

Karkat sat oblivious in the passenger seat. He was still shivering from the cold. He wrapped his arms around himself and his teeth chattered with an obnoxious clank. Meulin noticed and quickly clicked the apparatus to a higher level and the car began to heat up quickly. Meulin was extremely hot, but it didn't matter. Karkat was cold and so he would be warmed.

The teen was too absorbed in his head to notice the rapidly warming car. All he could feel was cold. He didn't understand what was happening or why. For all he knew this was some odd trip from his medicine. He couldn't distinguish which reality was real. They both seemed too vivid for his liking. He just wanted to sleep. Sleep and ignore the pressing sense of urgency that made his chest constrict for reasons unknown. He wanted to ignore the palpable tension between him and his mother. He wanted to ignore life.

Meulin pulled into the parking garage and shut off the car. It hurt to see her son in so much pain. "Karkat." Her voice was strained as she continued to hold back tears. The snow continued to fall and began to pile and melt onto the hood of the still warm car. "We're here."

Karkat nodded and continued to sit. He didn't need to go inside. He was just fine, wasn't he? He knew the medicine was causing him to flip out, but an unscheduled trip to Doctor Lalonde's was unnecessary. "I'm okay."

"No. You are not." Meulin's anger surprised the teen. He looked up in shock. "You are not okay Karkat. You are going to go into that building and talk to your doctor. Actually talk to her."

The teen nodded. If his mother didn't understand then Doctor Lelond would.

The two left the car and walked in silence to the psychologist's office. Meulin, who had left her coat and hat on Karkat, shivered slightly from the cold. When she noticed that Karkat was still shivering she took off her scarf and slipped it around his neck, leaving herself with nothing but her sweater and jeans on in the snow.

Karkat frowned as he felt the warm object slip around his throat. "Mom, you need it. You're freezing."

"I'm fine Karkat."

"Mo-m-m."

"Karkat you were in the snow for the entire day huddled in that tent. I don't know how long you were out before you got enough sense in you to wrap up in a blanket and answer the phone, but I don't want you getting sick. You don't look hypothermic but I'm getting Doctor Lalonde to check you out."

"H-h-how is my psychiatrist going to help me?"

"She was a doctor before she was a psychiatrist."

Karkat was quiet. He hadn't known this. "F-f-fine."

The two continued to walk in silence until they reached the door. Meulin knocked softly when she found that it was still locked. Karkat pouted in the silence. He didn't want to be here. He was fine. He was just so cold. There wasn't anything wrong with him.

Doctor Lalonde opened the door; looking worn. "Meulin, Karkat, come in." She stood aside and ushered the two of them in. Rose had grown so weary in the past year. Karkat was no closer to getting better, and she felt like she had failed him. Her girlfriend, Kanaya was worried about Rose's health with the situation. She had advised the psychiatrist to take some days off, but Rose wouldn't do it. Not until Karkat was beginning to make some progress.

Rose escorted the pair into her office and sat Karkat down. The elders spoke in hushed voices, and Karkat didn't even bother to listen in. He was to focused on the cold. It gripped at him like a vice, compressing and squeezing on his brain until there was nothing left.

Without Karkat's notice, Doctor Lalonde had escorted Meulin out of the room to begin the session. "Karkat?" Rose frowned when she saw him flinch. "Karkat can you talk to me today?"

"Y-yeah."

"Do you know where you are?"

"The...the office." Karkat's voice sounded like he had been gargling glass.

Rose frowned at the shivering teen. "Karkat are you cold?"

"Y-y-yeah." Karkat pulled the jacket around himself. "Was...was out in the snow.."

"I heard. Could you take the jacket and things off for me? I need to check you out for frostbite and hypothermia."

The teen nodded and with shaking fingers he removed his mother's jacket. The bones in his arms stood out and his shirt was baggy on his small frame. He fumbled as he tried to remove the knotted scarf and eventually Rose had to help. "You're so thin Karkat."

"I...I didn't notice." He looked away from Doctor Lalonde's face. He couldn't bear the scrutiny in which she looked over him. He focused his gaze instead at his feet, which he noticed were just covered in socks. He wondered what had happened to his shoes or if he had even worn shoes that day.

Rose followed his gaze and frowned. "Karkat where are your shoes? Do you know?"

Karkat shook his head; biting his lip. Everything was so fuzzy around the edges. Much like a dream, nothing seemed real.

Lalonde sighed softly. "Karkat do you want to talk about anything?"

"I think...I think my medication...is...is making my head...fuzzy..." Everything was losing focus again. He wondered if he was moving into reality or into a hallucination. He couldn't quite be sure anymore. Nothing seemed real in the constantly shifting world. He couldn't even trust himself.

Karkat wasn't even sure how to tell which world was real. He was just so confused. He couldn't even tell which one was the real him. He didn't one to believe he had let himself go so far, to starve himself, to freeze out in the middle of nowhere.

Doctor Lalonde noticed Karkat's expression changing and snapped her fingers in front of his face. "Karkat can you hear me?"

"Y-yeah...Everything just...kinda went fuzzy."

"I want you to try to stay with me now. Just focus on my voice and trying to answer my questions okay?"

Karkat nodded and wrapped his arms around himself. "O-Okay." Why did he hurt the longer he stayed out in this world. Why couldn't he go back to the other one. It was so much nicer.

"Okay Karkat, when you start 'fading out' where do you go?" Rose's voice was a bit louder than usual. Probably to make up for Karkat's lack of attention.

"I...I don't know. I mean...sometime I think I'm with...with Gamzee and Terezi...but then like...like this last time I ended up alone in a tent."

"When was the last time you saw them, excluding the tent?"

"I went...I went to the park with them." Karkat's answer was innocent enough.

"You went to the park with them?"

He nodded. He didn't see what the big deal was. He had gone to the park with his friends. "Yeah..I spent some time with Gamzee and...and Terezi...I got sick afterwards, but it was nice."

Doctor Lalonde sighed. "Karkat do you remember the accident?"

"Y-yeah. I do..I mean the parts that I was...conscious for." He bit his lip. He hated talking about the accident.

Doctor Lalonde got up from her seat and grabbed a blanket from behind her desk. She generally would wrap it around teens who were dealing with loss or emotional stress. Blankets would help calm them, and give them something to focus on. The blanket was made of dark purple and white yarn. Kanaya had crocheted it for her patients as a way to try to connect with Rose's work.

She wrapped it around Karkat's shoulders. It hurt to see him so lost. "Karkat, tell me what you remember of the accident."

"I...I was driving. We hit...we hit a large puddle." His breath was beginning to come faster and he slipped his fingers in the holes of the crocheted blanket. "I...I think the road was flooded or something... I lost...I lost." Karkat had to stop. He couldn't breathe.

"Karkat I need you to take a deep breath, can you do that?"

He nodded as he tried to calm his breath. "_Karbro, it's okay. Just relax alright?_" Karkat nearly jumped in surprise at hearing Gamzee's voice, but assumed it was just a figment of his imagination.

"We...We crashed. I..I got out of the car...walked away and fell...Someone showed up and called the ambulence. I stayed awake as long as I could...but..I just couldn't stay up." Again Karkat could hear Gamzee whispering. _"It'll be alright bro. I promise. I promise."_

"Karkat do you remember any sounds?"

"Just the guy's voice."

"Karkat. When you woke up in the hospital, was anyone there with you?"

At this Karkat frowned. "I don't...I don't think so."

"Karkat hospitals only have one intensive care unit. Do you think you would have seen Gamzee and Terezi there?" Rose hated that she had to do this to him. She hated that she was shattering his hope, his happiness.

Karkat nodded. "Yeah. I figured...They were in surgery or something..."

"No Karkat." Doctor Lalonde took a deep breath. "The reason you didn't see them Karkat is because they weren't there."

"Of course they were there. They had to be." Karkat's voice was failing him. "T-they had to." He had started to shake again, and the world around him felt icy cold.

"Karkat, your friends died in the accident."

_**AN: **__Yeah I'm just gonna go hide in my bunker. LATER 3_


	10. Void

_**Authors note:**__Well guys this is it! Chapter 9! I have been waiting for this chapter for a very long time, and hope you guys enjoy it. Chapter 10 will be a continuation of this chapter, since you guys have waited long enough for this! You guys are awesome! Please just read and review! They really make my day!_

Meulin had taken Karkat home after the news had been broken to him. Her son seemed to be taking the news well. Better than the adults had expected. He was animated, but seemed a bit cautious, as if he were about to jump into a pool of water. Karkat had stopped shivering and looked surprisingly solid as the pair made their way home.

"Karkat?" Meulin knocked on the teenager's door to check on him. She didn't want him sneaking out like last time.

"Yeah?" Karkat was sitting on his bed, a blanket wrapped around him. He had found interest in something on his foot that he was staring at with a bored expression.

Meulin gave a small smile. Perhaps her son was getting better. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm still really cold." He tugged the blanket around himself to make a point. "I can't get warm for the life of me."

"You should take a bath. The warm water will help." Meulin left to attend to dinner; hoping her child would take her up on the offer of warm water. His hair was oily as well, and Meulin hoped he would take the chance to wash up. He looked so terrible, but a bath would help.

Karkat sighed and stood up, gathering his things to bathe. '_Karbro. You takin a bath?'_

Karkat nearly jumped at the sound of Gamzee's disembodied voice. "Y-y-yeah."

'_Cool, you're looking a bit gross man. You need to take care of yourself.' _Gamzee's voice was a ghostly echo; a figment yet more solid than memory.

Karkat slipped across the hall into a pale white bathroom. He couldn't stand the colour, it was boring, bland, and too sterile for his taste. The counters were white, as were the floors, and the handles to the drawers built under the sinks. The blinds were white, covering the outside world of white.

When Karkat looked up from examining the room, he saw Gamzee sitting on the counter, his head resting against the mirror. He looked tired, and gaunt, almost as sickly as Karkat. '_Karbro...'_ The Gamzee in his head sounded worried, almost scared of the being that existed in the physical realm of Karkat's delusions.

The figure seemed tame enough, and looked just like the Gamzee that Karkat had just lost. "Gam?"

"Yeah bro. It's me. " The specter's head lifted and watched Karkat with a curious intensity. "I'm right here."

"You're dead." Karkat tried to remind himself that the figure was just his imagination trying to help soothe the guilt that stained him. "You aren't here."

"I'm not here?" Gamzee's voice was rougher than usual. His eyes darted from place to place, bouncing from Karkat, to the window, to the tub. "I'm not fuckin here Karbro? I guess that's your fault now isn't it? ISN'T IT?" The specter seemed to leap from the counter to the edge of the tub, balancing like a cat on the balls of its feet.

Karkat took a step from the figure. Gamzee wouldn't be like this. No, Gamzee wouldn't have hurt a fly if it were up to him. "Gamzee..."

"No! You don't get to talk!" The words crackled like lightning.

"Gamzee-" Karkat tried to speak again.

"I said you don't get to fucking talk!" Gamzee again shifted position, this time dropping from the edge of the tub to kneel on the floor. "I tried to be nice Karkat. I tried to help you! Then you had to go and fucking ruin it! We were fucking happy! Why did you let them take it away?" Gamzee's voice was a whisper, yet it sounded louder than a volley of thunder.

"I-I'm sorry." Karkat's voice was weak and quiet. "I-I'm sorry Gamzee. I-"

"You're sorry? You're fuckin sorry?" Gamzee's laugh echoed off the walls as he began to stand. "Karkat, you fucking killed me. You. Fucking. Killed. Me. SORRY DOESN'T MOTHER FUCKIN FIX THAT." Gamzee was to his feet, standing a mere arms length from Karkat. "You fucking think a sorry is going to fix it? I'm dead Karkat. Terezi's dead! All because of you! You're the one who killed us. It's all because of fucking you! Motherfucking you Karkat!"

Karkat shrunk back; a small whimper escaping his lips. The raging spector closed the distance, reaching up to run his thumb along Karkat's dry lips. "Are you scared Karkat? Are you fucking scared?"

Karkat couldn't respond. His voice was stuck in his throat. Gamzee was a terrifying, constantly shifting, miasma of rage that Karkat couldn't control. He understood it to be a delusion, yet he could still feel the rough pad of Gamzee's thumb caress his lips. He could smell the combination of Old Spice and weed that had become Gamzee's signature scent. This was his Gamzee, in all his raging glory.

The specter laughed and darkened. He seemed to suck the light from the room. "You are. You're fucking scared of me. You should be Karkat. You should be scared." His laugh echoed off the walls, which seemed to melt before Karkat's very eyes. White paint dripped from the melting wood and plaster, until the pair was standing in a puddle up to their ankles. The space they were in seemed infinitely large, yet Karkat felt so infitesimal. The only light in the room came from Karkat's own skin, a bioluminescence caused by necessity.

The grey puddle seemed to swirl and churn, reminding Karkat briefly of a flooded river. His focus was brought back to Gamzee, who once again closed the distance between them. The phantom slipped his arms around Karkat's waist in a mockery of their former gentleness. "Look Karkat." The sound of crunching metal echoed through the vast emptiness as did the sound of screams.

The boy refused, looking down at the swirling grey mass that covered his feet. He watched as a thin line of red began to make its way through the grey, swirling and spiraling into the depths. "LOOK AT IT. LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE MOTHERFUCKER. LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE CAUSED."

Gamzee wretched Karkat's head up; painfully gripping his chin. "Look at the pretty pictures you painted with our blood." Karkat watched as the cars crashed. He watched himself pull himself away from the wreckage, spilling crimson along the asphalt road. "Terezi and I could have made it. If it weren't for you."

Karkat watched Gamzee tug incoherently at his seat-belt; bleeding from a large gash in his forehead. A piece of metal from the other car had pierced through his abdomen. He looked confused as he watched his shirt turn from purple to crimson as blood began to pour from the wound. "Watch it all Karkat. Watch how we fucking died." Gamzee wouldn't let go of his chin, and continued to hold him about the waist, pinning him to his chest. "You can't fucking walk away from this one Karkat."

"G-gamzee stop." Karkat was aware of a wetness flowing from his face as he tried to pull from Gamzee's hold.

"YOU CAN'T FUCKING WALK AWAY FROM THIS. THIS IS WHAT YOU'VE CAUSED. THIS IS WHAT YOU'VE DONE. YOU'RE GOING TO WATCH EVERY FUCKING SECOND OF IT." Gamzee tightened his grip on Karkat, forcing him to look back at the scene.

Gamzee and Terezi were on the side of impact. Terezi, thankfully had been killed on impact. She hadn't seen it coming. Karkat continued to watch Gamzee fumble around, trying to get out of the car. 'Karkat.' The figure cried out in pain. 'Karkat!' But by this time the spectoral Karkat had already passed out. He couldn't come to his friend's rescue. "G-gamzee I...I couldn't.."

"YOU COULDN'T DO WHAT MOTHERFUCKER? YOU COULDN'T HELP? YOU COULDN'T SAVE US?" Gamzee's grip once again tightened. Karkat could feel the phantom's nails sink into his skin, cutting the tender flesh.

"I-I couldn't."

"YOU COULD HAVE. WE WERE RIGHT FUCKING THERE. YOU DIDN'T EVEN THINK OF US."

"G-g-gamzee." Karkat whimpered in pain. He could feel blood begin to drip down his chin to stain the grey mass they were standing in.

"NO STOP, YOU DON'T GET TO FUCKING TALK MOTHERFUCKER. YOU DON'T GET TO TALK."The wreck disappeared into the void, though the blood continued to pour from the spot that it once was. The blood flowed like water to continue to stain the mass until it was a crimson red. Gamzee pulled Karkat away from the scene and pushed him into the bloody miasma, which had risen to their knees.

Karkat was soaked in the blood of his friends, and Gamzee towered over him. "Get up." Gamzee spat as he kicked at Karkat's legs. "Get up!"

Karkat rushed to comply; nearly slipping in the blood that had saturated his clothes. Gamzee grabbed him by his hair, pulling him up faster. "I said, get up motherfucker." His voice was a deadly whisper.

The smaller boy shook in fear as Gamzee hauled him to his feet. The clown laughed and swung him to the ground again; kicking at his ribs and stomach. "COME ON KARKAT GET UP." He laughed as he made contact with Karkat's thin frame, causing the smaller boy to gasp in pain.

"G-Gamzee.." The small boy wheezed.

"I SAID DON'T TALK." He punctuated his words with yet another kick to Karkat's ribs. The teen rolled out-of-the-way; soaking himself in blood. "What's wrong Karkat? Scared?"

Karkat spluttered; trying to clear the blood from his mouth and nose. "S-stop!"

"YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST STOP THIS?" Gamzee laughed and grabs Karkat's wrist, hauling him back up and pulling him close. "You're nothing Karkat. Absolutely nothing."

**_AN: _**_Thanks for the reads guys!_


	11. Heaven

_**Authors Note:**__**  
"Where the hell were you?" **__Okay I did not intend to leave you guys for so long without an update. I'm so terribly sorry about that! I spent the entire month of November writing, and finishing a novel, so please don't hate me.  
__**"Well why were you gone for most of December?!" **__Writing a novel takes a HELL of a lot of energy. I was up until 2 AM on a regular basis, waking back up at five the next morning to go to school. I'm sick now because I am FINALLY getting the rest I need and my body is like: "HA NOPE." I spent November forgetting to eat simply because I was so caught up in the story. So I apologize for letting it lapse for so long._  
**"Why did this take so long to write?"** _I had to shift gears from writing original fiction, to writing fanfiction. They take up two distinctly different parts of my head and offer a different level of creation ability and a different level of depth. Most people don't look for symbols in fanfiction, and while I use them, they aren't as numerous as in my original fiction. _**"It seriously doesn't take you a month to do that."** _This is true. I've also been trying to catch up on school work because all my teachers thought it'd be funny to make 200 point projects due right before the holiday break, and right after. I'm writing an analysis on Dante's Divine Comedy. I did a 20 hour service project. Over all, I'm surprised I haven't just stopped doing stuff all together because of how much work that simply needs to be done._

_You guys are probably tired of my whining and excuses now, so I'm just gonna post the chapter._

_**I do not own Homestuck, that belongs to Andrew**_** Hussie.**

**Also Happy whatever seasonal holiday you tend to participate in this season 3 This is my Christmas present to you guys ;D**

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"-You're nothing Karkat, absolutely nothing." The clown raged and laughed. It was amusing to see the boy cower in fear. The specter was pleased with the look on Karkat's face. Karkat was suffering just as he had. "You're a coward. You chose to live while the rest of us died."

"G-gamzee." The small boy wheezed. Karkat's body ached all over. His wrists felt bruised, and his ribs hurt for where Gamzee had kicked him. "S-stop."

"YOU WANT ME TO STOP BROTHER? YOU WANT ME TO STOP?" Gamzee continued to laugh as he pulled Karkat to his chest. "I can't." The demon hissed. His voice was dangerous and laced with something that Karkat couldn't trace. "I can't stop Karkat. You killed me. You did this to me. You brought this on yourself." The face of rage was inches from the boy's face, and Karkat couldn't help but fixate on his lips.

They were the lips that he had been watching move since he was little. They were the lips that had evolved from the pouty ones of a child to the psychotic grin that now stretched across Gamzee's face. Smeared paint covered the normally pink buds, painting them a dark purple. "What'cha staring at Karbro?" The clown's voice took on a darker edge. "Sure as hell ain't me is it?"

"Gamzee." Karkat's voice was strained. He was resisting the urge to close the ever so small distance between them. Gamzee was his best friend, and this delusion, while terrifying, was still Gamzee. It was still the boy he had fallen for all those years ago. "Stop." This time Karkat's voice was stronger. The specter froze and tilted his head slightly.

"Who the hell do you think you motherfucking are? You don't have that kind of power here. Here you're fucking mine." The ghost closed the distance between the two as if to prove his point.

Their lips collided in an almost bruising kiss, but it was Karkat who took control. It was Karkat who dominated the kiss. The fragile boy tangled his fingers in Gamzee's hair, and it was the boy whose tongue danced about in the other's mouth.

The raging spector seemed to melt away as the two kissed, and soon Karkat was left with nothing. He was alone in the void, standing in a puddle of blood and darkness. "Gamzee?" His voice echoed about the empty space, and for a moment he was scared. What if he never got out of the abysmal hell? What if he was trapped forever?

Soon however, his fears were laid to rest. The darkness seemed to begin to change around him. The shadows weren't quite as dark, and the faint glow that appeared from his skin wasn't as bright. Soon all that surrounded him was white, and the puddle of blood had been sucked into the ground like rain water after a drought.

Movement caught Karkat's eye, and as the boy turned to face his new tormenter, he nearly fell to his knees. There was Gamzee, just as he was on the day of the accident. His hair was messy, his paint was smudged, but his smile was still wide across his face. Karkat's heart wanted to break. This was the boy he had destroyed.

"Karbro, they said you'd be coming up." The juggalo almost sounded disappointed. "I..I wasn't expecting you so soon. You still look so…so young."

"Of course I'm young. You are too." Karkat laughed as he tried to hide the tears streaming down his face. His best friend was back. His best friend was safe.

"…That…That isn't what I meant Karbro..I mean.." The boy's words were heavy, whether from his usual impairment or from grief Karkat wasn't sure. "You aren't supposed to be here yet…You've still got so much time."

"Time?" The boy laughed. If anything time was not something he had. He was done with time. It could stretch on without him. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Karkat…Look at your hands." Gamzee only said Karkat's name when he was being serious. The clown's smile had faded, and was replaced with a look of concern. When Karkat complied he was shocked to see the jagged lines across his wrists.

"W-what?"

"Karkat…just where do you think you are?"

The cancer had thought that they were in another delusion of his. Yet another figment of his imagination, come to haunt his remaining sanity. "M-my head."

The taller boy shook his head. "N-no Karkat, this…this isn't your head." Gamzee was overcome by guilt. It was his fault that they boy was here. "It's over now."

"W-what is?"

Gamzee gave a weak smile. "The pain. It's over now. You don't have to worry about it anymore." The taller boy moved closer. He needed to be close to his friend. "You don't have to worry anymore Karkat."

"I-I'm dead?" The smaller boy was shocked. He wasn't even aware of his own passing. HE had been too out of sorts to even notice himself waste away.

"Not…not yet, but you…you're close Karkat." Gamzee hugged the boy. It was difficult to accept death when it came all too quickly. It was bad enough the boy hadn't even been aware of his actions. Gamzee had watched his friend's descent into madness and had hoped that he would pull himself out of it, and now it was almost too late. "You…You have a choice."

'A choice?' Karkat thought bitterly. If he had a choice in the matter he would have brought his friends back. He would have stopped the pain. He wouldn't be so alone. If he had a choice, he'd take everything back.

The older boy nodded. "Yeah bro, you've got a choice. You can either follow me through those pearly gates, or you can go back home."

"G-gamzee I…I can't."

"Why?"

"Because you're not there." Karkat's voice broke. It was the first time he had admitted to the real Gamzee that he loved him. "B-because you're not there, and I'm alone…" The boy's voice waivered; he wasn't even strong enough to say a sentence, how would he be strong enough to live?

Gamzee's face seemed to crumple. "What do you mean Karbro?" He hadn't told his friend of his affections, and now it was too late. If he told him now, then Karkat would refuse to go back. He would decide that death was the better of the two options, and Gamzee wanted him to live. Gamzee wanted him to be strong. He wanted him to be happy.

Karkat's voice continued to waiver as he spoke. "I-I can't do it Gamzee. I-I didn't get to tell you, but I love you. I-I wanted…I wanted to tell you before…b-b-but it was too late." Karkat's shoulders began to shake in fitful sobs. "I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to kill you."

Gamzee closed the distance between him and his friend. The taller boy wrapped his arms around the thin figure and pulled him to his chest. The angel frowned at how cold Karkat was. The boy had always been warm when they were alive. "Karkat." The boy's sobs wouldn't stop, so Gamzee settled for simply holding him and comforting him in the only way he knew how. "Shoosh, it's okay now. It's okay. Shh." He shushed the boy, but secretly, he didn't want to let go. He didn't want to give up his friend to the cruel reality that waited him back on Earth, but he knew Karkat had to go. He didn't belong here.

Eventually the boy's sobs died down to quiet sniffles. "Gamzee…I can't go back. Not without you."

"You can Karkat. You can." The Capricorn held his friend close. "You can move on. It'll hurt yes, but you'll move on and you'll be okay. " The boy leaned down and kissed Karkat's forehead. His heart wanted to break. He wanted his friend to be in peace. He wanted all the pain to be over for his friend, it wasn't fair that he had to go on while the others rested. It wasn't fair what had happened. "You have to move on Karkat. You have to."

"You told me I had a choice!" The boy tried to keep the petulant tone out of his voice, but it still carried through. "You told me I could stay!"

"It..It is your choice Karkat, but…but please consider both of your options." Gamzee struggled to keep himself in check. It was his duty to make sure his friend went back home. It was his duty to turn Karkat from the gates of heaven. "Think…think of everyone you're leaving behind."

"Mom…"

"Yeah Karbro, think of your mother. She'd be devastated." It hurt to turn him away. It hurt to think that he was going back to suffer. Gamzee was infuriated with himself. Why couldn't he keep his friend with him? It wasn't like he was going to be happier on Earth.

The younger boy couldn't allow himself to picture his mother. She would find him, where ever he had ended up, bleeding from the wounds on his wrists, and presumably dead. She would call the ambulance, but by the time they arrived it would be too late to save her precious child.

The Capricorn pressed his lips to Karkat's cheek. If he were being perfectly honest with himself, the boy would have realized he was simply trying to distract Karkat from thinking upon the things that would make him leave. He didn't want Karkat to go. He didn't want Karkat back in that hell that had been deemed Earth. So Gamzee settled for distracting his friend as he leaned in close and brushed his lips against Karkat's.

The younger boy was startled at first, but then relaxed. It was sweet. It was gentle, and it was everything that Karkat had wanted. "Gamzee…" Karkat trailed off as he closed the distance between him again. The boy couldn't care if it was real or not, he was just simply glad for the closeness. The kiss was comforting to the boy. He was alone and scared, and Gamzee took away all of that.

Gamzee was shocked that Karkat kissed him back, but wouldn't complain. It was a long awaited nicety that he didn't ever think he was going to get. The older boy simply placed a hand on Karkat's lower back; his lips pressing up against Karkat's with more force.

Paint smudged and transferred from Gamzee to Karkat as the two continued their embrace. Fingers tangled in hair, while arms supported and pulled the other body closer. Karkat's entire body felt warm for the first time as the two broke apart for air. While Gamzee didn't need it, it was an accustomed habit for the younger boy. His chest heaved and his face flushed pink. "Gam…" Karkat' paused as he tried to remember what he was going to say.

The older boy simply shooshed him and kissed along the sensitive skin of Karkat's neck. Now wasn't the time for words. It was simply the time for the two of them to be close. Gamzee didn't want Karkat to leave, and even though he would eventually descend from heaven, the older boy couldn't help but want him to stay.

Karkat gasped as he felt Gamzee's lips kiss and suck on the delicate skin. His face continued to heat up as the older teen gently nipped at the skin around his collar. The teen's fingers simply tangled deeper into Gamzee's already messy hair as he gasped as the pale skin was assaulted.

"Karkat…" With their closeness the boys could feel what they had done to each other. Their heated kisses had triggered nature's instinct and they craved the closeness that only the other could bring. Gamzee had never done this with Karkat, and he was certain that the boy hadn't done anything of that sort.

Karkat wouldn't allow for the moment of hesitation. The boy pressed their lips together again and simply pulled Gamzee closer. He wanted this, and that was all there was to wanted Gamzee to know just how much he needed him, and what better way to do it?

Gamzee hissed slightly as clothed hips brushed against Karkat's. The teen tried to hold himself together, but the temptation of Karkat being there, willing and needing was almost too much for him. The older boy slid his hands under Karkat's shirt; he wanted to feel the expanse of skin that was now hidden from him

Karkat could feel his skin jump at the foreign sensation of someone else's hands on his stomach. The boy didn't want to break their kiss, but wanted to remove the clothing that hindered Gamzee's exploration. The teen pulled away merely for the time it took for him to take off his shirt, and then connected their lips again.

Gamzee let out a small sound of approval as he moved to properly explore Karkat's body. He worked his way down, inch by inch, kissing, biting, and sucking the pale skin. It didn't mark the way he had wished it could have had they both been alive, but Gamzee took it. The teen kissed down his neck, chest, and nipped his way across Karkat's stomach.

"G-g-gamzee…f-fuck." The teasing had done its number on the boy, and it showed visibly on his form.

The older teen laughed at Karkat's visible arousal. "You okay Karbro?" Gamzee slid closer; hips pressing against hips.

"Y-yeah." Karkat decided to repay Gamzee's favor, and he pushed the boy to the soft ground. The teen pulled off Gamzee's shirt with clumsy fingers and kissed along the new skin. The shaking hands slid along skin, touching and caressing the heated flesh.

Gamzee arched into his touch. The paths that Karkat traced felt like currents of electricity jolting across his skin. He gasped as Karkat's fingers brushed against the edge of his jeans. The fabric was already low on his hips, and as Karkat's hands ghosted from hip to hip, he couldn't help but wish the fabric was gone. The teen swore as Karkat dipped down to kiss the patch of skin. Gamzee pulled Karkat up, crashing their lips together in an attempt to distract the boy as he rolled them.

Karkat gasped as his back hit the floor. Gamzee was too distracted to notice however, the older teen pressed their lips together even harder. Tongues danced for dominance and eventually Gamzee took control of the kiss. He pulled away long enough to smirk at his fuming friend, then began to assault Karkat's neck.

The teen bit and sucked at Karkat's neck, claiming the boy as his. Even if he couldn't physically mark him, Gamzee sure as hell tried. Karkat was whimpering by the end of it, needing the closeness that Gamzee was denying him. "G-gamzee, for the love of fuck…s-s-stop."

The clown halted his movements; worried about his friend. "What's wrong Karbro?"

"You-you fucking know what's wrong." Karkat lifted his hips slightly; pressing them into Gamzee's. The juggalo hissed out what sounded suspiciously like a 'honk' and gripped Karkat tighter.

"Fuck bro; don't be all up on a brother like that unless you plan to get with the process." Gamzee's mouth was inches from Karkat's ear, the threat sounding much more like a promise to the younger teen. The clown's tongue ran along the shell of his friend's ear. He enjoyed the way Karkat tasted. It was like a combination of vanilla, cinnamon and something that Gamzee just couldn't place.

Karkat ducked his head, blushing. "Gamzee, please…"

"Please what bro?" Gamzee smirked, dipping down to kiss along Karkat's navel and down to his hips.

The virginal boy blushed even brighter. Gamzee had to know what he wanted. This level of torture wasn't fair. He wanted to be closer. He wanted Gamzee in every way possible. Gamzee laughed and kissed him again, his hand sliding up Karkat's thigh. The boy gasped as he was shamelessly groped. "G-g-gamzee…I-I swear"

"What?" The culprit laughed and nipped at Karkat's neck. "You gotta tell me man, what do you want?"

Karkat stifled a moan as Gamzee shifted closer. "F-fuck Gamzee…" The teen arched as Gamzee played with the edge of his jeans. The fingers crept under the waistband and traced abstract patterns on the skin. The boy's skin was sensitive, and his face flushed an even darker shade of red as Gamzee's fingers slid back up to the edge of his jeans and wrapped around the fabric.

"Karbro, you going to be okay?" Gamzee was experiencing miracles of his own as the two brushed and touched. They were both affected by the other's presence, and their teasing had just made it worse. He wanted to know Karkat would be okay with the touches that were to come.

The boy nodded, not even daring to trust his voice. He was sure it would have given out if he had tried to even speak. He could hardly say Gamzee's name without stuttering, it couldn't be trusted for something as important as this.

The nod was all Gamzee needed to slide off Karkat's jeans and to toss them somewhere on the soft floor. "L-let me know if I hurt you..o-okay?" Gamzee was suddenly nervous. He didn't want to hurt Karkat, but at the same time he knew there would be some level of pain as he adjusted. Gamzee had never dealt with a virgin partner, except for himself.

"O-okay." Karkat blushed. He knew what he was getting himself into. He wasn't totally naïve about the experience. "Gamzee, I trust you."

"Alright bro… just hold tight for a moment." Gamzee removed his own jeans and underwear then sat down behind Karkat. He drew the smaller boy into his lap, and prayed that he wouldn't hurt him too bad. There wasn't anything Gamzee could use to help the boy adjust. "You ready Karbro?"

Again the teen nodded and took a deep breath to steady himself. He wanted this. He wanted Gamzee, and if the current erection between his legs wasn't enough to convince him otherwise, then Karkat wasn't sure what else would.

Gamzee nodded, but didn't move. It was Karkat's first time, and the current position they were in was terribly impersonal. It wasn't exactly the most comfortable of positions either. The older teen sighed, and then shifted them to where Karkat lay on his back. Now Gamzee could see his face and judge his actions based on that.

The older teen leaned down to capture Karkat's lips again, hoping to distract him from the burning sensation as the virgin was stretched and adjusted. The kiss did its job, and it wasn't until Gamzee was mostly seated that Karkat felt enough pain to be uncomfortable. "G-gamzee."

"Shh, it's okay Karbro. I'm trying to take it slow." The clown kissed along Karkat's jaw in hopes of distracting him. Gamzee could feel Karkat's muscles adjust and clench around him, and it was damn near impossible to stay still, yet he did it for Karkat. He wouldn't hurt his friend.

After a few moments Karkat was eventually relaxed enough for Gamzee to slowly begin to move, causing the smaller teens' breath to catch at the foreign sensation. "You okay Karbro?"

"F-fine." He shifted slightly in Gamzee's arms, and the movement had him seeing stars. He was more than fine.

Gamzee smirked as he realized what had just happened and began to aim his thrusts to that spot that had Karkat crying out for his lover.

It wasn't long before Karkat was reduced to a ball of swears and names. He cried out for Gamzee, he cried out for god, and he swore as Gamzee continued to hit the bundle of nerves that had him so close to finishing.

Gamzee's hands slid from their grip on Karkat's body to settle down at his waist. They crept lower to the spot between his legs and Gamzee helped Karkat reach his peak faster.

The boy swore and pulled Gamzee closer as the stars intensified. It was miraculous. While Karkat rode out the bliss of his orgasm, Gamzee was close behind. Their lips met again and Karkat swallowed the swears and the moans.

"Mother fuckin miracles." Gamzee toyed with Karkat's hair in their post coital bliss. The younger teen was snuggled up in his chest, comfortably warm. "You feeling okay Karbro?"

"Just fine." The pair smelled like sweat and sex, yet somehow the combination was pleasant to their sense of smell. For Gamzee it smelled like baked goods and musk. For Karkat, the smells were distinctly herbed.

Gamzee's paint was smudged from Karkat's lips to Gamzee's waist, from their activities, and it made the normally sullen teen laugh. "We're so gross."

"Nah man, we look good." And Gamzee was telling the truth. The paint that marked Karkat was almost as good as a bite-mark claiming the younger boy as his. Karkat's skin wouldn't be marred in heaven, but paint was the next best thing. He was sure that Karkat would stay now. He wouldn't be so lonely anymore.

Terezi wouldn't even talk to him half the time. She was too busy being depressed about dying. She had left behind a lot, but it still wasn't any reason not to enjoy the spoils of heaven. Maybe she'd be happier if Karkat were to show up.

Gamzee ran his fingers through Karkat's hair, and the teen could feel the smaller boy snuggle up closer to him. "Karbro…you gotta make your choice now. Are you staying?"

The words were almost to Karkat's lips when his vision began to darken. "G-gamzee?"

The clown swore and pulled the boy into his arms. "No! He wants to stay!" But his words weren't heard. Gamzee slowly faded into oblivion, and when Karkat opened his eyes he was greeted by the bright red lights of an ambulance outside his window.

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_**Author's Note:**__I hope that this chapter makes up for my absence. It is by far one of the longest chapter's I've written for you guys, and the first of it's...content that I've ever written.  
Enjoy,  
Seraph_


	12. An Author's Note

_**Author's note: This story will be continued. it's still ongoing, I've just been seriously busy. Midterms came and right after that I found out I was moving, so I'm trying to get things together. I'm moving this coming up weekend, and will hopefully have time to write one things get together.  
I am so sorry!  
~Seraph**_


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